True Worth

it's slipping from my life's blood and I can't get it back
I watch helplessly as my own demise arrives
ever closer,
ever colder
this reality slaps ...

spinning around, I spot reminders everywhere
seasons come and go
friendships once so vibrant, languish by the silent road
of calls not answered, emails ignored
parents who once stood tall and straight, now bending low
babies born only yesterday it seems, now young adults with headstrong ways
they push and pull and press onward, upward
and I find myself falling down,
remembering ...

how it used to be in the good ole' days
back when,
have I now become one of them?
grateful for any memory of how it used to be
as I sit around and bemoan my fate
tired and how I do hesitate,
the cycle repeats and I've become ancient history
just like I've heard my father say
when he used to breathe this air
and walked this earth, tenderly
carefully ...

I would wonder why he never argued
why he never lost his cool when he had every reason to,
why he was always grateful for every day
and now, I'm learning why
it's in the moments we're given
and we're not guaranteed a particular number,
no matter how hard we cry and patronize
it's in the here and now that counts
for now is all we have
for now is all that matters
for right now is all that's real...

(12.6.07.ajs)