Wants, Not Needs

what I want to say is something completely dissimilar
more than you're willing to hear
your willing to receive
what I'm ready to give,
and yet, this place we find ourselves
is no different than some bazillion times before
this day,
this moment
this space ...

it's so astounding to finally meet another
who gets me,
this rare synergy
full of anything conceivable
walking in wonder was my reality
every time we met
every time we connected
and yet, it was me who hesitated
too long,
pulled back
stepped down
and slithered away like the fool I can be
ran to the corner where I thought I was safe
believed I could wait
and wait, I did
to my own chagrin

as I stand here, alone
my choice
my choosing
writing these words, great swelling words
full of melodramatics,
safe in the arms of my shadow
unscathed,
away from all remnants of misdirected blame,
at least that's what I tell myself
that's what I try to believe …

(8.11.08/ajs)

Chances

why, tell me why
where did you go
the you and the other who promised?
when I'm not looking, the chatter increases
to levels of laughter, insane almost, if left near a bus stop
and yet, quite contrived whenever I appear
is that my paranoia again,
or something more sinister, creeping within?
I'm betting on neither as neither is real
perception is what you believe
and I'm thinking I'll pass on this round,
maybe the next few if this trend continues ...

the swelling of the hope willed promises
anytime we stopped to share, to sizzle a little
our days, our thoughts, our aspirations
I began to feel again
began to need a friend
and believe,
we breathed in the silliness
with satisfied sips,
grandiose hiccups
had us skipping on simmer right through that hard, wooden door

is this an echo, or something more
than some tantalizing mind sweep,
across the canvas of dreamy eye lids
close them and see
splashed in hues of begin again
these tender scenes
make them stay,
keep them real...


(8.5.08.ajs)

Tranquility Lies

have you found yourself
as I have,
slipping and swaying
at the turn of,
the dime in your head
cakes on the spindle
while the syrup pours smooth,
we'll walk in the sea of ever lending returns
as I pull you much closer
and wait
for the silken dream
that breathes your name

your words, they smile
but are empty inside ...

we must stop all this fuss
this misaligned suck-up,
cheery frills and sloppy excuses
for anything that squeaks like a friendship,
they don't know you like I do
they'd die for a closer view
and yet, I stay
quiet I remain,
in frantic repose
as I wait for the obvious to show
and you?

( 07/24/2008)

Musings

I have run with you in my mind
center field,
at the fifty yard line
we're back again
exhausted,
satisfied.
with you, I could ...

we both felt it and know
yet dance around the obvious,
sashay behind the oblivious
share all the passion lovers do
yet, still we sit and wonder

as the leaves turn from green to yearn
without the after burn,
and the candle's wax has left the room
for a second chance in some other realm
explore those parameters
push against boundaries
jump in, this view
won't you?

(ajs.7.11.08)

Swoon

your words captured my heart
took possession of this faltering beat
apprehended my interest, you do
and I am inquisitive again,
cautiously eager
I know it's unorthodox,
yet I simply can't wait
for the next day
and the next time
of you ...

Innocence ?

Is it the innocence of youth
or the illusion of truth,
As seen by those eyes
those tender views,
Yet to blossom
Yet to need ...

Standing up against crushing deluge of pain
Not quite believing,
Never believing

You are the one I have loved
For you are everything
I have come to need,
Every song not sung
Every word not breathed aloud
and yet, I refrain...

.. and if

and if the world was square I would have already been at your doorstep
crazy as that may sound
perception is the key,
to understanding circumstance as truth comes from within …

we dance around the mistletoe and run when lightning strikes
once in a lifetime or was that only once
if we bare our souls and relent not,
previous damaged goods, we fall between the cracks
and leave that stain of someone's past
though they haven't walked by our side
we pull them forward, ghosts and all
it's a circus now and far too crowded
is all I feel and don't want to know
the how or why ...

I will tumble down when this flesh falls free
and soar to heights unknown or only vaguely seen
in a mystery of dreams,
that may never come to be ...

if I could have had you
might we have feasted at that banquet by now?
and yet, I stand on the other side as always, looking in
this glass is sharp and razor dull
my heart stopped years ago,
tho' true love never dies …


(ajs.11/06/2007)

Sweet Dreams

and I watch as you lay there
careful not to alarm,
your night scenes and visions
on this cool winter's eve ...

I pull back the blanket
and tenderly brush back your hair,
so beautiful you are, sleeping peacefully
I wonder if your dreams include me,
as I lay down beside you
to observe ...

you won't know I've been here
I am careful not to disturb
shhh!
not a sound I make ...

I stopped by for a bit
just to say hello,
just to let you know I still care
a kiss on your eyelids before I leave,
before you're aware that I've been here ...

thank you for just being you
you bring comfort to this weary soul
your wisdom and humor have provided sweet release
from gusty clouds of late
and rain storms full of plunder,
you are my joy
my night shade,
you welcome me here...

(ajs.10.22.07)

Impossible

the pleasure of you prevails
your touch inflames
everything,
you are all I need
how could there be another?
impossible ...

(5.30.08.ajs)

Definitions

don't you dare speak to me with those words
those words that say
we're quite familiar
in that intimate sway lovers share,
you don't know me
like that.
it's only blatant desire
unscathed
untested
relentless.

and yet, you pursue me with words
wrapped around the heat of a throbbing intention,
words won't hold me
when the nights stretch
and sleep runs with the last lie behind her skirt
as she swaggers in
with that condescending eye
reminding you one too many times
how you're not quite the man you could have been
and it's all your fault
is this what you call love?
never!

I don't think you've met love
as that, to me is nothing more
than the grinding of testicles
by fema-nazi shoes,
blood red stiletto heels
splatter across the wall any vestige left
of some dangling hope,
talk to me and tell me truth
make me see,
but never dribble those useless words,
show me now and make me feel
the need of you ...

( by: ajs.05/15/2008)

For Me

and with a word you bring me back again
hearts overflowing onto the essence of our love,
we're perfect here and will always be
the epitome of,
everyone I've always needed
everything I've seen
across the span of time and ages
you will always be
the only one I could ever adore,
the only one
for me,
forevermore ...

(5.10.08.ajs)

Simple Times

the doorway chimed and the oceans shined each time your face appeared
inside my mind, behind the words never spoken
aloud,
it's quiet here and has always been, I guess
within this place, I've found
but I digress,
and must press on with this knowing now
gathered in spite of that emancipated smile,
harvested in lieu of
that something deep, always out of reach
by candle light on that forbidden night
when nothing was impossible
and we had everything to gain,
inside our sweet refrain
we played with eyes not blind,
simple times ...

( by; ajs 05/07/2008)

Yen

your voice against my lips
I feel my need
tease this hope,
this delicacy of sweet suggestions
tenderly,
dare I believe
again...

or heed that other voice
that never leaves
relentless,
silly girl, please ...

(4.18.08 ajs)

Unanswered

I wanted to know you
by my side
to greet each new dawn and bring in the night sighs,
oh! how glorious
I can only imagine
as I lay here
quiet,
beside myself
pondering the reasons
looking over the questions
I never bothered to answer ...

years slide around
faster and faster
we travel towards our final destination,
I have noticed
I am riding alone
watching,
as always
why ...

Remember?

won't you follow me backwards in time
to the day we first found our hello's
pristine, there in the halo
untarnished, reflecting the sun
and all it's splendor
radiant

remember with me the quiver
heart stopping shimmer, I do
spasms of smiles from the inside out
a flurry of fervor about
the time of the utterance
the time of that first breath
floating on billows of chance
and we flew

oh! where did that vibrancy go?
as I stand here watching my shadow
listening to rumors,
craving your comfort
wary of whispers that scream ...



( by: ajs.02/07/2008)

Dimensions

There was a space between here and there
I tried my best to fit inside
Nothing happened, it never does
I swam around my indecision
Swallowed me in
And wondered how and when
I began to lose myself
With each passing sundown
Melting away my reflection
As I continued this path
Have I forgotten the way
Took a wrong turn, a misstep, a side show
Languishing in broad emotions
Not meant to last
Not meant to be the all in all
Yet, somehow I find myself surrounded by this invisible barrier
Bounded by what appears to be nonsense
Of my own making
Voices and expectations speak out from the abyss
I know it’s a lie
But I find myself hopelessly sinking
And like a puppet follow the string …

(1.25.08)

Mysterious

open my hands and nothing
I listen, to no avail
it's quiet here on the edge of the universe
surreal in fact as I peer beyond the next horizon
footsteps closer than before, ever closer
I am drenched in this mystical rainstorm
my umbrella flew and I stand
transfixed
as the shadow approaches
what to do,
arms on my shoulder as I am lifted
his coat, warm
comforting
we turn toward the portal
the hallway is vast,
is this an angel
or have I forgotten how to dream …
(1.25.08)

Memories

I remember you
With your mega-watt smile that could light up the skies
without even trying
A body that would make even Adonis run and hide
Charisma that exuded from every pore
How could I blame others for being drawn so eagerly
No one could resist your charms and out right sexy ways

Your blue eyes taunted like an angry sea on a winter's day
Your hair, the color of the golden sun,
One look from you is all it took
You were the ultimate
My everything,
At least that's what I thought at first
And struggled to believe ...

How could I have known of your dark side?
I wish I knew somehow what I didn't know then
I would have run
Broke your gaze
But like a fool, I stayed
Seven years too long,
Much to my own chagrin
I must now confess ...

I wonder how we would have ended up
Had I stayed
If things were different
If you were for real
and meant what you said...

Questions without answers
Answers without asking
Thanks for the memories,
I think ....

(1.24.08)

After Thoughts

the lies on the back of her hand told me everything
as I listened to your impotent attempts to explain
flimsy,
flaccid ...

I watched as the words were never given their proper exit
half-witted
they died on your tongue and fell flat,
you can do better than that if you tried
I've seen it before
I was amazed, once
in some other universe
the one filled with trust
now empty,
with the occasional expulsion...

they sound more like after thoughts to me
guess you think I'm not aware
not that it registers
I don't know
why you simply don't bother
don't take the time like you used to
I feel her every time we speak

life chugs on
shake, rattle and roll
snake eyes,
freed from your narcissistic abjection ...
(1.21.08)

Tales of the Footpath

intriguing footpath there by the ocean
laying next to that bleached blaze of sand
I've watched as your fears dropped discretely
then roll to the side, jumping behind some disengaged rock
no one scurries when the palms begin their slumber
tipping their hats as the seagulls glide past
their songs and dinner in tow

tell me, what stories can you spare
of those who travel above and around
skipping lightly or scuffling slow
tell us today as we gather to hear
the tales from your well worn abode

were some excited to see those great waters
churning provocatively like a dark, sultry vixen
teasing the senses with that suggestive glimmer
of turquoise splashing between quick peeks of white

the footpath thought for a moment or two
then, sighed with a great release
come back tomorrow or later today
for now, I just need to think ...

(1.10.08)

Fields

lay me across that field of lights
gently, as I am weak
memories stir and begin to fade
caught away in a serenade trapped by darkness
all desire recedes,
I am left with silence, deafening
nothing,
no in between

learn to be
for the first time in a long time

lose the resistance
of inconvenient turns and twists
how they mar the soul,
follow along this stream
of new consciousness
aware
behold, the key ...

(1.5.08)

Little Red Coat

Thrown out with the rest of the trash
Unceremoniously,
Left on the sidewalk
Smashed inside some old broken down black bag
Up against the drain
For the next pick-up day, whenever …

What would you say if you could speak?
Any last words for us as you lay there?

Don't get the wrong idea by the way I appear
You see a,
Tattered red coat, rumpled and torn
Threadbare along the edges,
With buttons lose and some frayed bits of fleece ...

I remember a time when I was brand new and warm

With eyes of surprise and arms opened wide
My little girl smiled as she held me close
Excitedly,
And slipped her tiny arms into mine,
Our walks to the playground, rides on the bike
We had a blast, her and I
Little girl giggles pressed close inside my shoulder
Little girl secrets only her and I shared
Oh! Those were the days!
When laughter filled these threads now bare
And I did my best to keep her safe
With my buttons, shiny and bold
And my collar, so warm and so very cozy
Snuggling next to those little girl cheeks
I was once fulfilled, loved and adored …

I guess all things come to an end, somehow
Don't ask me to explain as I have no answers
My little girl grew, yet I remained the same
No worse for wear was my mantra...

One day, a voice said
That little red coat is a disaster, dear
Time for another, we'll throw out that old thing
Get you a new one for spring
And the next thing you know, I found myself here
In this bag full of rubbish and long forgotten dreams …

(1.11.08)

Illusions and Things

I think you like to keep me guessing
throw me a line and I dive right in
like always
searching for the bait on the end of the hook
running for the first thing that looks like affection
feels more like rejection
this cat and mouse game
one day I'm soaring above heaven's door
the next, nowhere
it's the same old song
same old dream
you'd think by now, I'd be a bit wiser
having noticed these sign posts before
but I keep hoping, I guess
pressing my way
the truth is too harsh to bear
I simply look the other way
although I've known it all along
and I won't say it here
except to acknowledge
I understand
always have
these delusions in spite of illusions ....

(1.17.08)

Willow Weep

I have stood on the outside looking in
For as long as I can remember
An observer of all I see
Listened intently, painfully aware
Of your deep rooted sadness and unrealized fears

There on your pillow as you lay your head
Surrounded by tears, never heard
By others as they carried on
Oblivious …

How I longed to hold you close
Protect you with the strength of my limbs
Remove the strain from your fragile and sensitive frame
A shade I provided when you ran out
That fateful afternoon
Slamming doors as you stumbled and finally sat
For hours if not longer
We were quiet that day, you and I …

On a dark night somewhere near the fifth of December
A shot rang out, piercing the silence like an old rusty nail
Muffled cries and then nothing
Suddenly everyone was everywhere
Except in your room
I struggled to find you, to get even a glimpse
I reached ever higher
You were silent for what seemed like winter …

Footsteps scurried in and out
Frantic cries for help flew with the wind's scream
Blue lights and red lights filled the front lawn
Men in blue uniforms ran inside
Shadows in black cars drove slowly and carefully away
Somewhere, a lonely dog howled
The moon turned aside
And I,
The willow, weep by that window
You once called your own …

(01/15/2008)

The Gifts

Christmas came early this year
wrapped in a smile and slight trepidation
tenderly delivered, ecstatically received
the universe relented...

and I could barely contain my excitement
as there is nothing more I could ask for than this
wonderful gift from the heart
astounding, and oh, so amazing
swept right through me...

rapture's returned to my soul
notes are unbundled
listen with me as the angels sing,
while I soar …

( ajs.12/15/2007)

True Worth

it's slipping from my life's blood and I can't get it back
I watch helplessly as my own demise arrives
ever closer,
ever colder
this reality slaps ...

spinning around, I spot reminders everywhere
seasons come and go
friendships once so vibrant, languish by the silent road
of calls not answered, emails ignored
parents who once stood tall and straight, now bending low
babies born only yesterday it seems, now young adults with headstrong ways
they push and pull and press onward, upward
and I find myself falling down,
remembering ...

how it used to be in the good ole' days
back when,
have I now become one of them?
grateful for any memory of how it used to be
as I sit around and bemoan my fate
tired and how I do hesitate,
the cycle repeats and I've become ancient history
just like I've heard my father say
when he used to breathe this air
and walked this earth, tenderly
carefully ...

I would wonder why he never argued
why he never lost his cool when he had every reason to,
why he was always grateful for every day
and now, I'm learning why
it's in the moments we're given
and we're not guaranteed a particular number,
no matter how hard we cry and patronize
it's in the here and now that counts
for now is all we have
for now is all that matters
for right now is all that's real...

(12.6.07.ajs)

Falling Towards

twist of the sun or was that the reason
listen to the tap on the wall
carefully constructed as minutes continue
hours become days gone by,
intervals of what we keep track of at this juncture
as we fall towards our eventual demise ...

does it have to be?
is there no going back
no returning to how it was then,
must we stay on this track of sliding south
senses numbing as our eyes become dim ...

glancing around, quick! let us not fall too fast
are memories and dreams all we have left,
as daylight shortens into the midst of evening's expiration
groping from someplace severe
and darker than dirt,
colder than those ice cubes we used to delight in
that space there, six feet by six …

(11.29.07.ajs)

Let me

carousel tingles learn how to scramble
and not lose their grasp on the down slide,
when the earth begins to tremble
or thoughts change when distance remembers,
we'll hang around the hour hand
and pull back the time if we're able
it's all about redemption ...

looking underneath or inside, we get lost
I like it here where the music is soft and everything is quiet
we'll whisper and swoon like we used to
back when the heat was scorching
desire raced inside every sound,
feel this again, let me ...

(11.28.07. ajs)

These Moments

and what of these moments
who find themselves farther and farther between
euphoric clusters of rhapsody
enchantment profound,
lingering deep, this close study I seek
when did the ribbon slip and fly away
like a helium balloon all out of smiles
laying there silently grieving,
but no one sees or cares to notice
is that where those moments are found
empty, but for the memories of what may never be
a glimpse
a peek, maybe a side-show,
is that all we had ...

I am engrossed with abstraction
madness at best,
a derangement momentarily or was that a calming solution,
disturbing despondency creeps from behind
and with conviction, scares me
this vehemence screams
' you were nothing more than a dirty, little secret! '
and secrets, no one wants to explore
at least not aside from the darkened fire that glows
and simmers, seductively
where no one can see and only two can hear
when they both pay attention, but someone's not listening ...

(by: ajs.11/25/2007)

Forever and More

won't you let me stay a while and gaze at all this loveliness I see?
before me in all it's raw wonder
careful not to make a sound
I won't harm the surroundings,
you can just sleep,
and lay there dreaming of maybe me
and you, as we step into the great unknown
full of potential, if we'll just believe
and receive ...

what if this time was the time we've always dreamed of?
carefree indulgence and whimsical forays
tender tap dancing
curiously,
open the window and unlock the doors
throw back the blinds and let me in ...

treasures await in the unexpected realm
scintillating pleasures extraordinaire,
why be bound by seasons and past pages
of unfulfilled promises and tears?
we'll take our time, we've got no where to run
why not enjoy this moment
this day,
this beginning of forever and more ...

(11.21.07. ajs)

Double-Time

I can still feel you
the wonder of your touch
the seduction of your caress
between every distant sigh and whispered tune,
hear your voice each time my thoughts turn
and I won't lie,
I miss you more than I should ...

after the anger and sudden shock
when the rage fell away
into something like blind stumbling crying jags
even when those slants of discord wrapped themselves around
and ran to my aid,
all I could do was sit here and remember,
you ...

a thousand kisses I send your way
sealed with a prayer on wings lifted high,
may your days be filled with something sweet
exactly what you need,
and everything you deserve
overflowing and running over, double-time ...

(11.14.07)

Perhaps

maybe you stole the song from me
perhaps,
a momentary stifling of the notes I came to know
and hold so dear
yet,
it matters not in the greater scheme of things ...

true love is eternal
and continues to beat with every turning of the page
no twists and turns
with every whisper in the evening air, hints of ...

I will remember the golden days and nights of joy
torrid bouts of me and you
they fill the spaces in my head when I find myself
missing ...

(11.11.07)

The Gift

He gazed at her and smiled
From deep within his soul,
A treasure presented …

She turned and gave him her heart
And walked into
All their memories of tomorrow …

(11.8.07)

Tender Love

Your tenderness reveals
Flashes of your soul in surprising ways
Caring compassion touches me right to my core
And I find myself falling in love all over again
With you …

How could I not want you for all time?
Your sweetness seductively taunts me
Teasing me, such torture
I need more …

Let us soar away where no one can find us
You and me, we have so much time to make up for
We will fly to heights of the heavens above
And live in our love for all eternity ...


(10.29.07... thinking of you, my darling...)

My All

it was a risk I gather, to follow my heart
as I can't find my way back to before
nor would I want to,
not really, for I've known such happiness here
in the light of your love
experienced pure joy
ecstasy even,
scattered with storms, unexpectedly
when those dark clouds loomed large on that horizon
but that's life,
together we'll manage, somehow
I'm here for the long term, I've decided
regardless,
it's you and no other ...

many have tried, both in your life and mine
yet, here we are
still standing, our eyes on tomorrow
great expectations await,
let us gather our courage
strengthen our resolve,
and toss out those nagging suspicions
spiked with doubt,
sprinkled with fear ...

take my hand with your heart
I'm yours for the asking
you're all I can see and believe in,
scary, it's true
I'm petrified,
but so willing to be here with you
in the smiles of our love,
the truth of our being
tell me, you feel this way, too ...

there's no other that sends my heart racing
the thought of you has captured my soul,
your kiss, inexplicable
your touch, amazing
your love,
my true treasure
my all ...

(by:ajs.9.23.07)

Destiny's Plea

and what if I needed you, my love
to be strong if I wavered inside
unsure of these steps, shaky at best
would you wrap your strong arms around me,
assuring us all would be well
that together, we'd make it, somehow
telling me you understood my heartache
my issues with trust,
my history with you ...

are you ready to face this reality
blow past misunderstandings, misspoken words
can we rise above the furor besides
that threatens with menacing eyes,
can we try once again
to soar higher,
confident of one thing and that's us,
regardless ...

we now hold this flicker of flame, so tender
seeking to know the wonder,
struggling to face life's uncertainties
tainted, without a doubt
yet willing to explore
bust open that door,
we've both run to and previously paused ...

watching our wishes glide on a feather
almost beyond our reach
but not completely,
take my hand
hold my heart,
be the man I know and desire
I'll be the woman your dreams speak of,
and together we'll flow
where we need to be
we'll take our time,
grateful for destiny’s plea ...

(9.18.07 by: ajs)

I Stand

having stood right here with precision's dare
I reached in and sliced
slivers of a trusting heart and kept each one
locked away for me,
to gaze upon each time I felt the need ...

to reassure myself I was in control
what a fool for believing
in ever after's dream,
yet I bought the song and danced a while
knowing all the time
I had those pieces tucked away,
behind the smile
behind the greed of never ending scenes
running through my head
for time and time not to ever be again,
I tried
and now, I wander in those fields of wanton lust
oblivious towards those tender souls
as they stray by
this realm I'm in
transfixed and petrified ...

you were the one who helped me through days and weeks and months
of rambling vowels and odd sequence,
I run into this wall of thought
can't press my way or won't
though I see your hand, feel your heart
on the other side
patiently,
you are where I need to be
yet, here I am
stuck ...

by: alisajs
7.6.07

The Corner

I stare at this screen for hours sometimes
Wondering to myself
Asking my lonesome

‘Could I ever get the nerve to get on that plane?’
‘Do I still have what it takes to put your mind at ease
or maybe not at ease
but affect you in some other way….

And I run back to what I know
Numbers don’t lie
Ink doesn’t tear off one’s clothes as they run out of space
On the page in my mind
And I’m back to where I began

Staring at this screen for hours on end
Gone to some place to hide
Screaming inside as it’s all I can do
To maintain some degree of sanity’s breath
Whatever that means

Or will I continue to write about anything but
The truth of my heart and wretched soul
How I’ve longed for so long
Yet not moved a step
Towards that which I’m certain
Ok, maybe not certain
But hopefully
Waits around that corner….

by: ajs
6.21.07

True Love

how could I stand here and offer you happiness
when true contentment comes from within,
if you're looking for others to fill you
complete you,
make everything right
then you've come to the wrong place,
as no way can I do that ...

what I can give is my heart's smile
flaming by yours,
and together we'll dance and enjoy
the pleasures that blossom
the tears we share,
storms we both face hand in hand,
racing through madness
fall on our faces,
roll past it and get up again
stare down our demons
celebrate our victories,
regardless of short term misunderstandings ...

if you're willing, I'm able
and we might have a chance,
to realize our dream of forever ...

Smattered

I search for those lucid memories
smear them one more time across these desperate eyes
for just another glimpse of that certain paradise,
at what I used to know somewhere deep inside
a long, long time ago,
back when the sun would truly radiate
all through my soul, unlike today ...

those hazy shades of gray and black
call to me, relentlessly
and I wonder
can I ever get it back
the truth of me
and not this mask I hide behind
this shell, so incomplete
fragments scattered
torn and dropped
unblinking,
left there in those silent storms
I ran, not knowing the why or how
in my quest, that incessant quest
for perfection's grade ...

I realize now
the mirror's not equipped
the image sneers and mocks
at what I've now become,
laughing stock of normal
normal never fit,
and strange is all I ever knew
smattered is my new abode ...

Aching

It's lonely here without your presence
I miss the feel of 'us'
Our private conversations,
Torrid sessions
No one the wiser,
Except now, maybe me

The dream lives still ...

There are days I almost believe
You never left,
If I have all I need, then why do I still want?
Incredible as it may seem
I can't forget,
The seduction of your touch

[6.7.07 by: ajs]

Musings

Will there be enough daylight left
On the floor of this decision,
Or is this the best we can hope for
Sifting through mired footsteps that still haunt,
On a cloudless midnight
As I search the heavens for a hint
For a clue,
For some semblance of reason to receive …

I’m afraid to remember, I think
Having misplaced my direction
In the soles of my shoes,
As I continue to deliberate my fate
Have I completely lost my nerve?
I wonder …

Could these arms ever hold you?
Will these lips ever taste
The rapture restrained in my rousing,
Released now in slumber
And silenced when awake,
Am I down for the count
Or only now, beginning
To believe …

By: alisa js
5.26.07

Potsherd or Papyrus

Have we no room for circumstance?
Gasping at white layered patterns in plain view,
Having heard somewhere this meant troubled potential
We turn our eyes inward
Maybe no one noticed,
As nothing was said,
It was all in that look
We kept walking …

I’m not sure if that was an apparition
Or a memory I didn’t remember until now,
Potsherd or papyrus
Bottle cap of fancy notepads,
Something or someone was there
And now, it’s quiet here …

Am I to believe in dreams again?
Is it possible for me to find the string that wanders within my midst
With both hands,
And these scattered thoughts
Run right into morning convinced …

By: alisa js
5.26.07

These Storms of Life

These eyes have strained to gaze upon desired horizons
Keeping the fragments alive here
Inside this ideal I have treasured
And managed to keep seeking somewhat
This vague rendering
Of happiness I remembered as a child and held dear,
Tendered by understanding
Sealed and kept near the harbor lights,
Carefully preserved all these years, tho’ battered
And bruised, unable to bloom in darkness and doubt
Those tender buds of promise, the hope
Reaching still, these fragile stems
We mustn’t forget the greater objective
Attainable,
If we believe and faint not …

Can this heart of mine rise above the madness
And cruel attacks from those lacking understanding
Compassionless,
Tho’ waves have hit hard with deliberate slashes wide
How can I blame and condemn,
Arrogance
Judgment
Condescending glares
All bitter fruits of ignorance,
They stand on the barriers and watch
And I will strive to muster the courage one more time
In the face of adversity
Certain of destiny’s beckoning invitation,
If I believe and faint not …

My Petition

if you listen, you will find me
between each layer of the songs we sang,
beside you in that flutter,
seconds before surrendering
right there, with every heartbeat's skip
the voice you hear
in the quiet of our winter's bloom
a whisper sweet
among these tears now trailing soft,
and if you look real close
you'll see
reflections of a soul like yours ...

I would never leave
for you're an invitation to a silent prayer
taking flight on wings, they lift
how the angels do resist
at certain times, uncertain
to withstand my final wish ...

(4.19.07
ajs)

Dream Dance

in a faraway madness
of some distant memory
suspended in time
we peer within

listen
is that music?
or just howling wind masquerading
smeared by some romantic notion
from some starry eyed soul
it will all work out somehow
in the end

but is that how you learned it?
or is this all in my head,
look how these angels all dance
on the head of this pen
the one in my hand
as I sit here and write
over and over,
these same words spill forth
onto this parchment
deep in my soul ...

I know he's out there
somewhere
waiting for no one but me
he loves me
I know it!
he tells me
each night
when he stops by ...

and together we dance around all those night seasons
to the music we hear in our heads,
language of shared hearts
he's mine
for always

you will find me
under the branches
basking in sunlight
waiting
its true ...

(by ajs; 1-2-07)

If

maybe it was in the way you glanced across
somewhat seductively
curious, perhaps
I knew from that look
you'd be a great lover
and I wasn't mistaken,
oh! how I do remember ...

the first night
racing fast with anticipation
around every word,
I watched from the inside
smiling...

your touch didn't falter
your kiss,
incredible!
lingering soft and aching across my hips
patiently waiting,
for that next step
we both knew
there'd be no retreat now,
flames high, spirits vying
come closer
come nearer,
I do remember
oh! how I remember ...

My Desire

there is always something
right there on the edge
crinkling with a smile
each time we get together
of something more,
always with you
and no other ...

I listen to you speak
and notice this something
your fire
desire
flaming towards me,
why?

yet, we are friends
no way to deny
did I make a mistake in not moving towards that next step?
my heart tells me
what I don't want to know ...

it's you
always been
you know it,
no matter how far I fly
it's you I keep coming back to...


( by: alisajs/03.07.2007)

In a Heartbeat

Won't you come and sit for a while?
Let me dust off these clouds and we'll sit here a spell
We can share a coffee and talk,
Go over our dreams and ambitions
One more time,
I need to know they are still the same
The same for you as for me
Since the last we spoke of
On that day in December,
The day you stunned and surprised me
By giving me everything,
Any girl could ever wish for
By telling me you'd wait
For as long as it took,
To get to the place of
'us' ...

You told me there was nobody else
And how could there ever be another,
My sentiments exactly ...

How you felt in your heart you were married to me
Our soul flame burning as one
Exactly the words I needed to hear,
You've become everything to me
My dream come true
All I want in a man
All I ever hoped for
In a lifetime companion,
Will I marry you?
In a heartbeat, I would
I live for that day ...


(by: alisajs/01.08.07)

Adoringly

won't you take my hand?
and walk a while with me
for a season or two, maybe three...

I can't promise you happiness
or make all your dreams come true
we know there are no guarantees
and that sucks, I know ...

one thing I can do
and this is a promise,
I can give of myself
pouring all over you
from this heart overflowing,
with love
adoring
and so curious ...

by: alisjs