Questions From a Young Girl's Heart

what secrets lie beneath your blue
as curious winds blow,
scraping our toes along the sand
we walk,
thoughts to ourselves

it was sometime in the summer
of my fourteenth year
the last time I remember

we sat at the counter
of some dingy airport cafe
your face, I can't recall
as I was just sitting there,
stunned and surprised

your eyes, they were sad
as you looked straight ahead
mixed with regret, perhaps
memories, maybe

every daughter needs direction
guidance
and love,
sweet words of wisdom
I had none

this emptiness prevails
sorrow overwhelms
on a good day,
and I?
press my way
toward parts unknown
and ill prepared for...

(ajs/3.28.11)

Random Recollections

let us take this thought and tuck it behind
the left ear
somehow that seems right
and you know how I always like to be right,
but this is not about me
it's never me
even if the facts suggest otherwise.
the world goes on around us
all around us
as those
unspoken words hang
around the hint of a frown
hiding just beyond the smile that waits

he took his half-smoked cigarette
carefully placing it back in the remaining box of ten
deciding to save it for another place
when there's more time

do you remember those days
when we laughed and cried
tensions pulled us to the highest
those emotions of that long ago moment
screaming for immediate release
and yet, we survived
we're here
and alive,
still...


(aj/3.26.11)

Refresh

and with a word
you brought me back again,
to the laughter shared
the memories tended,
suspended.
all these months and years

your voice
moves me still
your touch remains
across the miles,
and for a brief moment
a silly smile,
you are here once more
and all is like it was

there is a place for you
how could there not,
without a doubt
won't you?

11.6.10/ajs

Ice Land

I would have waited forever
if you asked me to
alas,
the words never came near

I could have learned to be patient
if you wanted me to
sadly,
the winds grew cold and everything else blew away

instant depression
remains
guess its not so instant
now

forever, I wonder
in this realm of ever after
inside this hell of never happen.
here,
without you...

11.4.10/ajs

Betrayal

when did the caring part become unnecessary
who changed the rules without telling me?
thrown away like yesterday's news
kicked to the sidewalk
tossed aside and forgotten,
witnessed by everyone
but no one saw anything,
except for the falling rain
good for nothing,
worth saying
at this time

says who,
you?

you, with the sweet voice
we all loved to hear
and listen to,
not now, however
as
your truth is revealed at long last
smooth as slime

not a pretty sight.

or you, with the frenzy of a thousand mad men
raging beyond belief
and all because,
why?

who changed the rules without telling me
when did the caring part become unnecessary?
maybe in your world,
never in mine...


(9.19.10/ajs)

Windows

I strolled by a window
and took a chance,
peered.
a glimpse did I see,
watching those fragments
from yesterdays gone
but not forgotten,
memories taunt
appearing only to tease

there were those faces
still stuck
with
anger.
raging beyond the land
of never after

there was a time
when laughter reigned,
oh! where did those carefree days go?

I am left with a handful of something
noteworthy nudgings
sometimes the awareness lasts too long
so strong

a thought
gives

if only
the dream continues
to live...

(ajs/9.15.10)

Thoughts

we look up at the same sky
on the same night,
a million miles apart
and yet,
as close as a thought
you are

as sweet as cupcakes
tasty,
delicious

the signs in the night
let me know,
forever is your touch
upon my soul,
how could I forget?

impossible...

(9.7.10/ajs)

Night Song

in the quietness of my evening sun
when the winds have calmed
and all is serene

there is a place
for you,
still.
as no one else
will do

if I could fly
I'd be there,
right by your side
for as long as you wanted
for as long as you needed,
me...

8.23.10/ajs

To Be Continued

last night I dreamt of you
again,
skin to skin
how could I resist?
your words, your voice
your presence
drove me to my knees,
endless reverie.
we suspended time
glorious,
made our way
taunting ecstasy,
notorious and yet
it seemed so real,
so believable.

tell me
you felt it, too

6.19.10/ajs

Always You

in those many ways of yesterday
I pull them close
and hug
tight,
certain ones to be sure
the ones that counted,
mattered.
that
stood the test
above the rest those memories rise,
regardless.
in spite of

the rattle rings
for one more shake
reminding of the time at hand,
listen...

and if I could, I would
bring you close
closer than you've ever been,
if you only knew.
maybe you do
and maybe I wish too hard

in the quiet of my silent dream
you are there.


(3.5.10/ajs)

The Knowing

these days have a way of lingering now
hours taunting mere minutes
tapping,
as the seconds do stretch.
it's almost too much to remember
and yet,
I can't wait

every thought
brings us closer,
every smile
reminds.
anticipation growing,
the future
is ours to find...

(3.3.10/ajs)

Mystic Scenes

and if my days fail to find you
know that in my dreams
you are everywhere,
reigning still...

(9.24.09.ajs)

The Great Ultimate

she listened to the conversation
but kept her thoughts quiet
letting them dance around in her head
smiling, as she thought of him
as she always did
during this time of day. her evening,
his morning
yet, it was the same time.
it was almost magical in a way
if you looked at it just right,
through the eyes of the smitten
through the lens of so amazing
how profoundly wonderful,
knowing that everything is possible
in this realm where we belong
this place of me and you
yin and yang...

(8.1.09.ajs)

Head Over Heels

we gaze upwards at the same sky
and I wonder, wistfully
are we thinking the same thoughts?
feeling the same smiles
around our souls,
throughout these miles that stand between us...

the beauty of your voice
catches me off guard
and I'm soaring inside,
flying high as I glide toward these fields of ecstasy
and this thrill of you and me

with you, it's all brand new again
these tender moments
quiet times
beyond sublime,
and I'm falling
head over heels...

(04/17/2009.ajs)

Unconscionable

It’s this kind of
love, I want to know
more
about.
Won’t you share your life
and dreams with me?
If I asked in a very diplomatic way
would that naked question
stand out?

The mere thought of you
fuels an inner passion previously
placed aside.

Harder now
to decry,
With each passing flame
and scorching refrain
I press my way and yet
you,
fill my waking days with thoughts of
tortured sweet relief
for only two.
How can we deny
this delicious appetite
between me and you?

Unconscionable …

(04/04/2009.ajs)

Observations

it's the little things
like kisses in the dark. that call
that shows you dared
to love again

laughter,
swirling around
each word and phrase.
shared

full
and rushing fast.
colliding with excitement,
his and hers

those little things.
how they mean
everything

(4.4.09.ajs)

Enamored

you move me

beyond mere words on a page
more than any other,
profoundly so.

I am thunderstruck

stirring me in ways I've only dared to imagine
each lingering caress
leaves me wanting more,

so enraptured I've become...

(3.27.09.ajs)

Spellbound

what is it that makes me completely stop
everything.
forget anything else
that's not about you,
each time we speak
I am in a daze,
enchanted ...

how does everything fade away
lose its appeal,
dim down to nothing
fade against the background of
no longer relevant,
every time I hear your voice?
mesmerized, I am

others, left hanging
are dumbstruck,
without words...

and I can hardly stop smiling
for this is exactly what I have often dreamt of
on those occasions I dared to.
and now
you, so alluring
me, beyond fascination
I am rolling in rapturous delight,
spellbound


(ajs.3.10.09)

Why Angels Sing

for in the gentle caresses of the ocean waves upon the sparkling sand
there exists this undercurrent of passion abiding
until it's appointed time,
the flowers bloom in that far garden
heavenly scents do intoxicate so!
trade winds bring them near
and I am alive again ...

like the whisper of a morning's kiss, the memory lingers
and I would be remiss if for no other reason than
to have one chance to taste this bliss,
so utterly divine a favor
I request and do send,
with wings to mount and fly away
towards that certain paradise that awaits
if only for a moment,
if only for a glimpse

oh! how the sun does shine and smile lovingly
across the land where the promise dwells,
the table is set as the banquet begins
as the universe agrees.
for this melody is so sweet,
and now I know
why angels sing ...


(ajs.02/26/2009)

Unconditional

as for me
I can adore you
with this perfect love
that knows no bounds
inside the confines of what we know as time
allotted to us here,
between this level of our destinies
the one we managed to share or did we seek
that open door?
to reach between and steal
just a little peek,
and yet, I am better
for knowing,
for we did catch a glimpse of those certain imaginings
as time stood
for you and me

this thrill
it is enough
and I am free
without a need
and will forever be
grateful,
for your love ...

(02/21/2009.ajs)

I Still Believe

how can I forget
the promise of a million smiles
and laughter rich with expectancy
of you and me,
dancing under these swaying palms
waiting here,
so patiently ...

time stepped aside
each time we met
so glorious!
the angels sighed with great relief
with stars bowed low in the lunar sky,
paving the way
for us inside
that place of joy reserved,
preserved, for only two

I'll be here, my love
my heart light flames
around your name,
oh! how can I explain this ecstasy
this great imagining,
except to say
I'm yours
for all time.
I'm waiting for you here
I still believe ...


(2.15.09.ajs)

Our Time

and if our paths were to meet
on that day destiny decides to
bring to us
all that we've longed for
ever believed in.
would we be ready?
to greet that day with open smiles
and a willing heart
to step into
this time of us ...

or would we turn
and walk away
unwilling to receive,
fueled by doubts from lesser times
that never could believe
and why should we now?

misery does love its company
and craves at every cost
the broken dreams of unrealized scenes
to wallow in the fire
those catastrophic bleeds
it's all its ever known

how can we expect them to understand
this melody sublime,
of hearts and souls that sing this song
this dance of new revealings ...

(ajs.2.9.09)

Reasons

and if the flame dropped
rolled away and expired,
what would we do?
those of us still standing there
mouths opened wide,
would we turn and walk away
realizing we just died
or at least the passion felt,
no longer to abide
in the lives of those affected ...

would we simply wring our hands?
continue on that well worn path
now, without a reason to give
gone without a fight,
trudge along our every days
without a spark
to fuel the name of all that is
of all that makes us be

or maybe we'd beat our chests
and cry towards heaven above,
pleading for just one more chance
to find a reason to love ...

(1.28.09.ajs)

Destiny

what if I told you
this is our destiny
to be here like this
in this moment,
serendipitously
you and me

and what if you
are all that I imagined
trustworthy and true
everything I need
here,
me and you

across space and time
you came to me
on the wings of an angel
straight through heaven’s gate,
blessings unfold
let's not hesitate ...

(ajs.1.7.09)

Do I Dare?

I find myself missing you
though I tell myself
I have no right
to think of you as mine,
and yet, I can't deny this truth
I am most intrigued by this growing need
for you and only you,
thoughts of ...
oh! how they tease
curiously
inconspicuously,
when I least expect
there they are,
all around
confounding
tantalizing...

the essence of your presence
draws me near
caressingly,
to the dawn of something
so brand new,
do I dare reveal
this tender flame that calls your name
listen,
do you hear?

(12.30.08.ajs)

Rhapsodic

You bring to me a measure of
Contained excitement
Hinting of a promise sublime
Serendipitous enticement of the magnificence
A dream within a scene of shared realities and yet,
Across this great divide we sing
An enlightening truth where we break free
To live and be around this melody
A rhapsody
Inside my mind,
Shared by two and not confined
By space and time
What ecstasy divine…

(12.27.08.ajs)

One Last Kiss

could this be the last time
we gather here, like this?
with smiles plastered wide
all beside themselves
stacked neatly and placed on the back rows,
just in case.
these serendipitous swings
do they mean anything
or am I too busy looking for clues
any hint or suggestion
I am still alive
and all this makes for some rather intense
reckoning of souls
on this happenstance day
layered light as we dip and sway,
music soft
while the chatter is sweet
quick, let us remember
this,
one last kiss...

(12.23.08.ajs)

My Dream

I looked and you were there
in answer to my thoughts, almost
an answer to a prayer I once
believed in,
and yet, never knew as mine.
remaining on these pages
written,
journals full ...

oh! how the vision came alive today!
standing right in front of me
exactly as I'd seen,
so many times
in my mind

I stood mesmerized, petrified
filled with joy
unspeakable,
until you walked away
into another time
back inside my mind

my dream came true
if only, for a glimpse of you ...

(ajs.12/10/2008)

You

it always comes back to you
every time
no matter how far I wander
no matter how many I ram rod
roll over
obliterate

you are the one that could have been
forever,
I am the fool for waiting and delaying
constantly,
how could I blame you for my insecurities
I am the one who lagged behind,
stuck in my doubts
raging aloud,
I have only myself to
condemn

and I do ...

(11/20/2008.ajs)

Fairy Tales

could we have lassoed those raindrops with palms raised up high
as we blazed through with potions
full of reckless abandon
oblivious,
even to ourselves.
so certain we'd found that decadent delight
a cruel game, if that
and only for the well besotted

don't venture near if your heart's not yielded
toward lies and deceit from the other side,
yet it was not the other side that did us in
but rather a lingering memory,
climbing up that old woody nightshade
when no one was looking
when somebody cared,
back to a time when I used to believe
in certain fairy tales
so beholden was I to that dream ...

(11.13.08.ajs)

Broken Dreams

let me
love you,
the way you need
the way I want to,
curiously
expectantly, with tender sighs...

these wounded hearts
how they rationalize,
pain.
betrayal cries, remembering
where careful becomes a measuring stall
and wait we do, on the other side,
languishing ...

as the days do slide
as time does tease
while we fill our ways with other's dreams

oh, take my hand
our moment awaits
so very patiently,
if we, but let it bloom

we'll step into our destiny
this thrill of me and you,
feel me now
I'm here,
and there you are, so far away
this needn't be
our legacy,
of sad songs wrung from broken dreams ...

(11.04.08.ajs)

Alone

the sound of your voice incites a spark
reminding me of what I thought
was certainly,
long forgotten.
with you, I want to bend back the boundaries
tug on those hours and days,
and give us eons
decades even,
I'd settle for a weekend or two
and yet, you remain,
this mystery ...

are we not out of time
or has time simply run out,
banished now to the land of the forgone
conclusion.
memory drips around
faltering hope,
the dimming of embers
against this upcoming winter,
as we struggle against
being alone
on this
forsaken road,
this sad refrain...

(10/23/2008.ajs)

Self Love

what kind of love stands passively aside
watching, yet not seeing
careful for only one,
not two ...

does love live in the mountains and all things above
oblivious,
is this really love that doesn't get involved
with anything other than self?
I think this is self love

love is a term we use and abuse so badly
loving the day
loving the mood,
loving the man or woman who
for the moment or season,
connects
with that part of our psyche that needs
to be ...

(ajs.10.21.08)

Willing

I am still willing if you are able
to be.
this is altogether obvious
yet,
why tread so lightly around these emotional epiphanies
I haven't a clue
which brings me back to years long past
and I may have to admit
and analyze
why I continue this springtime addiction,
the world was so much younger then
our innocence gleaned from those romantic dreams
of endless possibilities
uncharted realms
that together we would conquer,
oh! love was the answer
alone.
if we only had love, nothing was impossible
our fresh and guileless minds knew of nothing asunder
we walked, hand in heart toward our promising horizon
waiting.
gleaming,
calling to us
with melodies sweet from the soul
such tender harmonies
angels cried.
I was once willing, wasn't I?

(ajs.10.16.08)

Cross Stitch

in the center of this heart lives a girl who still needs
still craves the comfort of another's arms
to hear the voice near and dear
assuring her
all is well,
together we can overcome...

she runs to find the reason
seeking out the horizon of sweet dreams
of everything real,
tell me, do you hear?
let me know it matters
carry me back to the wonderland
of possibilities anew

how far have we fallen
from that state of grace,
so many cynics
so much doom

can we get past the pretending
of denying the lie,
and live in the moment
each and every second,
living and loving together as one
not falling apart at the seams….

(ajs.10.10.08)

Dream State

and then the pin dropped
swayed and rolled out of sight
to where, one can only guess
if one was so inclined
or even cared to bother,
penetrating beneath the veneer
of your suffocating smile
on those days you chose to try
even a little bit.
those days came around less and lesser?
there were times in our lives when the sun bowed down
and breathed a kiss of such incredible loveliness
I was certain we were deep inside a dream,
love was our world
and we had everything.
or so I believed
I so desperately believed
I wanted to believe,
before I
opened
these sleepy eyes...

(10.8.08.ajs)

blizzard

it was in the aftermath
unnoticed.
careful words with careful tips and
anything else of no consequence,
a life lived in compromise
for all the right reasons
does it matter as much as the one lived for self?
does wisdom factor a twit
or is the savagely selfish the first to benefit
to hell with the rest,
good intentions don't count
only fools live by those outdated ideals
ask me,
I know.
and I'm beginning to think there's really no difference
selfish is what's needed to get ahead
and that's what life is all about, anyway, obviously
right?
me first
you wait.
I pondered these musings on my drive back to wherever
ran through the arguments for and against,
with me, it was never about money
it was always for love,
call me a fool
because I think that way,
and will choose to do so
till my dying day ...

(10.6.08.ajs)

Just Us

I would love to slide right next
to you,
skin on skin
and experience,
the completeness of your touch
soothed now by your voice
alone.
I need more,
don't you?

spend our smiles
take our time
curiously,
with each new discovery
shared by two,
just us ...

how much longer
must we linger
here,
on the edge of this fascination
waiting by our anticipation,
rising beyond the brink
of sensibilities,
gratuitous pleasantries
I need you here,
so much ...

Wishing Spells

were I a wish, could I be yours?
to share our great escape,
the one we've always turned to
when all is quiet
and the day is done,
before we close our eyes
and our thoughts return to one ...

remember?
can we still,
or has the agony overwhelmed
our seething hearts,
as if to spoil the compliment
without a cure or treatment, yet
no promise of another

let the anger spill and leave
your realm, my dear
my only one.
with you, I would even try again
for you, almost anything ...

wishing spells here, near my heart
take these wings and fly
across the land, beyond the sea
oh! wishing spells, I will believe
for one more dance
with real romance,
tell me, don't you need?

A Waking Dream

the more time I spend with you
the more I want to
dangerously close, I know
a tender soul, you came to me
so patiently.
your heart, a gift
presented

silver key of hope
is what I see,
dare I accept
and walk into,
a waking dream
this intrigue …

(ajs.9.12.08)

Breathe

every time I turn my heart
hoping and craving like a lovesick fool
savoring every nostalgic tribute of some bygone era
tracing a memory or preposterous dream,
what I really need to do is
wake up,
stand straight
push back the clouds of deception
pull on these cords of redemption
and breathe,
won’t you
with me …

(9.5.08.ajs)

aflame again

and if it were you
you and you alone
all along,
the one I knew would be the answer
our solution,
to everything we both needed and desired
from this point forward,
would you
venture near?
again
this time,
knowing it was me?

(ajs.8.28.08)

My Choice

I see your face in every face
out there in the sea of flesh and vague imaginings,
I hear your voice in my head telling me
reminding me
of all and nothing,
simple clues, so true
and this love I have spans time,
knows no boundaries and yet
I am here
without you.
why?
I must be scatterbrained ...

I watch and observe
and see them,
hand in hand, arm in arm
everywhere
and yet
I am alone,
the chatter comes and finds me
laying flowers at my feet,
I turn and walk the other way
past those kisses transmitting,
nothing compares to me and you
never could.
and that's what keeps me far from trying
memories
feelings
my desire for only you still stands
tall
how could I?

(ajs.8.23.08)

Intermission

For a brief interlude we managed
To canopy the sunshine, pull on the splendor
Laughing all the while,
Slide across the undertaking
Peering beside your smile
Time stopped and it mattered not…

The siren of recycled impossibilities reached inside
And poured out from a vial,
Tenderly, yet spitefully
Spectacular flowing red,
Caught up in the glow
You stumbled and I wondered why.
The red had me transfixed
I could not turn away,
Beating profusely from the center
My spine jumped
Remembering,
What were those drops of red?
Little sparks, brand new parts
Blending around this rising mound

We pushed again toward the spotlight
Pressed through silent tears and creeping fears
Ascending our perimeter,
Threatening to capsize
Waiting to overthrow everything,
And reveal a great conceal
Under the contents of this smudge …

(ajs.8.21.08)

Untitled

Having wrestled with the sins of summer
I should have known the signs
Listened to that other mind
The one we turn away on days like that,
The snowman rolled and spoke
Sweet sounds fell from his lips of twist
I should have walked away,
Enchanted, I chose to stay and hear one more delicious remedy
Feel one more sensational rhapsody,
Before the dreaded epiphany
I knew and still I craved,
As I laid those song sheets down
Heard before this day would turn
As the ground swell fell away,
Dropped along the beaten path
The well-worn rasp
Of listen, fool
Be wise,
Wake up, it’s dinner-time,
And with those sheets still out to dry
When did you try blind?
This is no time for such crazy thoughts
Cleverly, or otherwise …

(8.18.08.ajs)

River Burns

Are you the response to this river that leads
Out,
Away from the trash in the trees
You know the ones we can’t see for the logs,
Around the fireplace
Steps to the kitchen
Locks on the door
Lead me to where you want us to be …

Take my hand and give me your kiss
Hold me closer than you ever dreamed.
A bright light of promise I perceive
Excitement shelved right behind my eyelids
Waiting here,
Do you feel this like I do?

You lay across my mind
Each time with a memory of another day or evening’s dimly disguised blushing,
Sharing the shadows
Wrapped around the thought of maybe again, with you
Walking with the knowledge of how I want to
Craving the courage ...

(8.16.08.ajs)

Always

With you, I could feel amorous
Enamored and more if not careful,
Yet careful is not where I want to be
Not with you,
Impassioned is how you come to me
Ardent and delicious
How we would drive delirious,
Rousing romantic hysteria …
Zealous for fire, wild about flames
You and I, we would never contain
The passion and fire
Never,
Ever …

(8.14.08/ajs)

Mysteries

with you, I believe I could begin again
realize within this spark that flames
for one,
is it you
this man of whom I am so curious
intrigued, no less

I feel your hugs
your life and loves,
they pour over me each time we discuss
I sense your pain and tenderness
and want to reach

dare I, this time
press beyond my comfort zone
engage with your world,
enter your realm
and know you ...

(8.12.08.aj)

Wants, Not Needs

what I want to say is something completely dissimilar
more than you're willing to hear
your willing to receive
what I'm ready to give,
and yet, this place we find ourselves
is no different than some bazillion times before
this day,
this moment
this space ...

it's so astounding to finally meet another
who gets me,
this rare synergy
full of anything conceivable
walking in wonder was my reality
every time we met
every time we connected
and yet, it was me who hesitated
too long,
pulled back
stepped down
and slithered away like the fool I can be
ran to the corner where I thought I was safe
believed I could wait
and wait, I did
to my own chagrin

as I stand here, alone
my choice
my choosing
writing these words, great swelling words
full of melodramatics,
safe in the arms of my shadow
unscathed,
away from all remnants of misdirected blame,
at least that's what I tell myself
that's what I try to believe …

(8.11.08/ajs)

Chances

why, tell me why
where did you go
the you and the other who promised?
when I'm not looking, the chatter increases
to levels of laughter, insane almost, if left near a bus stop
and yet, quite contrived whenever I appear
is that my paranoia again,
or something more sinister, creeping within?
I'm betting on neither as neither is real
perception is what you believe
and I'm thinking I'll pass on this round,
maybe the next few if this trend continues ...

the swelling of the hope willed promises
anytime we stopped to share, to sizzle a little
our days, our thoughts, our aspirations
I began to feel again
began to need a friend
and believe,
we breathed in the silliness
with satisfied sips,
grandiose hiccups
had us skipping on simmer right through that hard, wooden door

is this an echo, or something more
than some tantalizing mind sweep,
across the canvas of dreamy eye lids
close them and see
splashed in hues of begin again
these tender scenes
make them stay,
keep them real...


(8.5.08.ajs)