The Corner

I stare at this screen for hours sometimes
Wondering to myself
Asking my lonesome

‘Could I ever get the nerve to get on that plane?’
‘Do I still have what it takes to put your mind at ease
or maybe not at ease
but affect you in some other way….

And I run back to what I know
Numbers don’t lie
Ink doesn’t tear off one’s clothes as they run out of space
On the page in my mind
And I’m back to where I began

Staring at this screen for hours on end
Gone to some place to hide
Screaming inside as it’s all I can do
To maintain some degree of sanity’s breath
Whatever that means

Or will I continue to write about anything but
The truth of my heart and wretched soul
How I’ve longed for so long
Yet not moved a step
Towards that which I’m certain
Ok, maybe not certain
But hopefully
Waits around that corner….

by: ajs
6.21.07

True Love

how could I stand here and offer you happiness
when true contentment comes from within,
if you're looking for others to fill you
complete you,
make everything right
then you've come to the wrong place,
as no way can I do that ...

what I can give is my heart's smile
flaming by yours,
and together we'll dance and enjoy
the pleasures that blossom
the tears we share,
storms we both face hand in hand,
racing through madness
fall on our faces,
roll past it and get up again
stare down our demons
celebrate our victories,
regardless of short term misunderstandings ...

if you're willing, I'm able
and we might have a chance,
to realize our dream of forever ...

Smattered

I search for those lucid memories
smear them one more time across these desperate eyes
for just another glimpse of that certain paradise,
at what I used to know somewhere deep inside
a long, long time ago,
back when the sun would truly radiate
all through my soul, unlike today ...

those hazy shades of gray and black
call to me, relentlessly
and I wonder
can I ever get it back
the truth of me
and not this mask I hide behind
this shell, so incomplete
fragments scattered
torn and dropped
unblinking,
left there in those silent storms
I ran, not knowing the why or how
in my quest, that incessant quest
for perfection's grade ...

I realize now
the mirror's not equipped
the image sneers and mocks
at what I've now become,
laughing stock of normal
normal never fit,
and strange is all I ever knew
smattered is my new abode ...

Aching

It's lonely here without your presence
I miss the feel of 'us'
Our private conversations,
Torrid sessions
No one the wiser,
Except now, maybe me

The dream lives still ...

There are days I almost believe
You never left,
If I have all I need, then why do I still want?
Incredible as it may seem
I can't forget,
The seduction of your touch

[6.7.07 by: ajs]