Smattered

I search for those lucid memories
smear them one more time across these desperate eyes
for just another glimpse of that certain paradise,
at what I used to know somewhere deep inside
a long, long time ago,
back when the sun would truly radiate
all through my soul, unlike today ...

those hazy shades of gray and black
call to me, relentlessly
and I wonder
can I ever get it back
the truth of me
and not this mask I hide behind
this shell, so incomplete
fragments scattered
torn and dropped
unblinking,
left there in those silent storms
I ran, not knowing the why or how
in my quest, that incessant quest
for perfection's grade ...

I realize now
the mirror's not equipped
the image sneers and mocks
at what I've now become,
laughing stock of normal
normal never fit,
and strange is all I ever knew
smattered is my new abode ...