Is it the innocence of youth
or the illusion of truth,
As seen by those eyes
those tender views,
Yet to blossom
Yet to need ...
Standing up against crushing deluge of pain
Not quite believing,
Never believing
You are the one I have loved
For you are everything
I have come to need,
Every song not sung
Every word not breathed aloud
and yet, I refrain...
17 comments:
"illusion of truth" huh well.. hmm? That's an entire thesis in itself..but anyway..
Soft and beautiful !
Posted by MOJOE on Jun 21, 2008 3:18 PM
*sigh*
ah, yes...
illusion of truth
innocence of youth
some might even be so bold as to say... naivete?
lol
yet... it is what it is...
thanks and yes, I agree...
the message is real from my core.
alisa ;-0
Posted by Soulo Jacob Bourgeau on 06/15/08 at 11:44 AM
Those first two lines are a great synonym for youthful naïveté - well written piece in its entirety, Alisa.
Thank you, my kind and sensitive friend...
alisa
Posted by David Ruppert on 06/15/08 at 04:57 PM
So many thoughts, questions and emotions are expressed here within these masterfully chosen words. Certainly makes one think. As I read this, I felt almost a sense of discovery, yet as you indicate a sense of refrain. A well written poem indeed as always. Thanks for sharing, Love David
Thank you again, David..
Well, that is very very nicely done. It flows wonderfully and leaves
you longing for more. Couple of things I would consider looking at
again:
Is it the innocence of youth
or the illusion of truth, - great opening
As seen by those eyes
those tender views, - for some reason, "views" did not seem
like the right word for me. I would think of an alternative.
yet to blossom
yet to need ...
Standing up against crushing deluge of pain
Not quite believing,
Never believing - I would not be repeating the same word. Maybe choose
something stronger that would build up on the previous line???
You are the one I have loved
For you are everything
I have come to need,
Every song not sung
Every word not breathed aloud
and yet, I refrain...
The ending is brilliant, no qualms here.
Really enjoyed it.
- Vyampol
I agree with V on the 'believing'
also, I feel there is a gap between the last 2 stanzas, as if we
missed something. Perhaps a reference that leads into the love you
feel for this individual. The piece is beautifully spoken and direct
and I think would be perfect with another stanza.
deckard
poignant indeed.
my deepest respect and gratitude,alisajs
LOVE IS ALL
Walk in beauty change the world.
miraj
Thank you to all....
I will consider your recommendations.
Sending wishes for a wonderful weekend...
alisa ;-)
attn.. V
'views' refer to the way the world is looked at through the eyes of
those who are innocent.
I trust that helps,
alisa ;-0
Hey, Alisa, I understood what the "views" referred to, but
in conjunction with "eyes" it seemed to me an awkward and
weak word to use. I think you can do better than that - this is just
my opinion.
- Vyampol
love the ending
Igdrasil
Aloha V....
I will take your suggestion under advisement.
Thank you.
alisa ;-0
"Is it in the innocence of youth
or the illusion of truth"- with an opening like that, you really
can't go wrong now can you!
I enjoy how the poem paints an illusive picture of love, with it's
truth in all that is not said. (as you choose to refrain).
C-sa
Thank you, C
for your most perceptive comments and insights....
alisa ;-)
I am new to this site I come to see if anyone is like me. I liked the
poem the first time I read it.
Thunder
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