have you found yourself
as I have,
slipping and swaying
at the turn of,
the dime in your head
cakes on the spindle
while the syrup pours smooth,
we'll walk in the sea of ever lending returns
as I pull you much closer
and wait
for the silken dream
that breathes your name
your words, they smile
but are empty inside ...
we must stop all this fuss
this misaligned suck-up,
cheery frills and sloppy excuses
for anything that squeaks like a friendship,
they don't know you like I do
they'd die for a closer view
and yet, I stay
quiet I remain,
in frantic repose
as I wait for the obvious to show
and you?
( 07/24/2008)
10 comments:
ne wonders about the obvious, what is obvious? I slide dreamlike to the end of the first stanza and the dot dot dot , and then get jerked back to reality, the duo-ism of this write is intriguing. :) I think it would actually have more impact with the second stanza shaved off and left at the dot dot dot. but that is moi and this is YOUR purge :) Friendhip is a beautiful thing? isn't it? but not if it becomes hurtful or condenscending...one can only turn the cheek so many times before we have to re-evaluate our position within it. OXOXOXOXO
Posted by Robin on Jul 25, 2008 3:19 AM
Hey Robin,
Thank you for your comments and I do agree completely regarding friendship. In my opinion, true friendships are borne of the soul and are indeed precious and ones to be cherished.
My objective in this one was to show the stark contrast between the ideal (first stanza) and the sinking realization (second stanza) into the reality of the situation (third stanza) in this instance.
I have seen so many relationships go through this cycle, whether they be platonic, romantic, family, or work related. They all seem to start out in this idealized as seen through those initial eyes of wonder and awe. And then, some of them, sadly digress into some type of stunned realization. Finally, falling into a weak excuse for what once was .. (fill in the blank here)
I have wondered why so many choose to remain? I would not and did not when certain relationships in my life no longer were mutually beneficial. I continued to care but could not remain.
The persona in this piece does for whatever reason. I have seen marriages like this continue, long after the love and respect is gone. With both parties not willing to give up anything to benefit the other and the association continues with both parties behaving more like business partners and roommates. What a pitiful way to live. What a pathetic legacy to leave to one's children.
Now, does it make sense?
I hope so. Sending you thoughts for a marvelous weekend.
alisa ;-)
Total cents my priceless princess! OXOXOXO
Posted by Robin on Jul 26, 2008 6:40 AM
(((( hugs tight ))))))
tranquility does indeed lie, keeping things calm and serene when really they are sifting and changing uncontrollably. when I read this, I see an egg. An egg laying so still and then the cracking begins and then the pecking of pieces, it's definitely a birth and definitely relatable! Being born with not enough to get us through, we have the words but not the meaning, hmmmm. I do think robin is right about ending it at the ... though, POWER PUNCH!
Posted by Soulwalker on Jul 25, 2008 4:02 AM
Attention: Amy! please read my comments to Robin above!
!!! lol !!!
for my reasons as stated.
I agree with you, in that the appearance of tranquility does not always translate to that sense of calm...
Sometimes nothing could be farther from the truth, (i.e. the ocean waters....gazing at fire from a distance....etc. etc)
There are those times in one's life when the truth has to be shouted and respected from every rooftop and mountain home....
lol
Wishing for you an awesome day!
alisa ;-0
I must disagree with my friends above...I like that second stanza if only for the hint of strength and sarcasm...I've always loved your sarcasm...it contrasts with your romantic nature and we see the all of you. In the first stanza , you are waiting for the silken dream and in the next, you are waiting for the ugly truth to reveal itself to others. I love the duality in this, Alisa! I might squash the "frantic" because it lends too desperate an image for that last stanza, where I feel you should be the all knowing, cool, pissed off woman.
Posted by Tara on Jul 25, 2008 5:41 AM
!! lol !!!
Group hugs, everyone....
Thank you all for your timely and most perceptive comments.
I believe that in order for anything to have meaning, to be of any substance whatsoever....it has to be real, one has to be sincere from the inside out, complete with a heart that beats !
lol
Make sense?
I don't get how people can continue to exist in relationships, ( in every context) that are nothing more than superficial fluff or convenient venues for stuff. All about the ..what's in it for me? toys and prestige, (adult toys.. i.e. cars, jewelry, designer bags, clothes)...
You know what I mean?
I appreciate your comments, all of you and will give the serious consideration.
Life is for the living, loving is for life....
*sigh*
Wishing you all an awesome weekend!!!
alisa ;-)
Alright, Everyone just calm the hell down!!!...lol. All these *sighs* are getting me dizzy.
Okay...Now...ALisa, I'm here to pick up my baby dove you were gonna watch for me while I was away. Where is that little feller?..lol. I'm sorry I couldn't resist.
As for the poem and it's duality..well, you're getting closer and closer to screaming..I can hear it .pretty soon it's gonna be all third stanza....can't wait!
Posted by MOJOE on Jul 25, 2008 12:39 PM
!! lol !!!
;-0
Well, uh.... did you say little baby dove? hmmm.... well, (cough-cough)...
The bullets made me do it, Dammit!
Dammit! I say.. I don't know what even happened or what even came over me. I saw the chamber there, empty... the bullets in my other hand and before I could even gasp, much less sigh!
Boom! Bang!
uh oh!
I don't know how to say this my friend, but your little baby dove is now, shall we say...
In bird heaven?
lol
Thanks,
alisa ;-)
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