The Gifts

Christmas came early this year
wrapped in a smile and slight trepidation
tenderly delivered, ecstatically received
the universe relented...

and I could barely contain my excitement
as there is nothing more I could ask for than this
wonderful gift from the heart
astounding, and oh, so amazing
swept right through me...

rapture's returned to my soul
notes are unbundled
listen with me as the angels sing,
while I soar …

( ajs.12/15/2007)

True Worth

it's slipping from my life's blood and I can't get it back
I watch helplessly as my own demise arrives
ever closer,
ever colder
this reality slaps ...

spinning around, I spot reminders everywhere
seasons come and go
friendships once so vibrant, languish by the silent road
of calls not answered, emails ignored
parents who once stood tall and straight, now bending low
babies born only yesterday it seems, now young adults with headstrong ways
they push and pull and press onward, upward
and I find myself falling down,
remembering ...

how it used to be in the good ole' days
back when,
have I now become one of them?
grateful for any memory of how it used to be
as I sit around and bemoan my fate
tired and how I do hesitate,
the cycle repeats and I've become ancient history
just like I've heard my father say
when he used to breathe this air
and walked this earth, tenderly
carefully ...

I would wonder why he never argued
why he never lost his cool when he had every reason to,
why he was always grateful for every day
and now, I'm learning why
it's in the moments we're given
and we're not guaranteed a particular number,
no matter how hard we cry and patronize
it's in the here and now that counts
for now is all we have
for now is all that matters
for right now is all that's real...

(12.6.07.ajs)

Falling Towards

twist of the sun or was that the reason
listen to the tap on the wall
carefully constructed as minutes continue
hours become days gone by,
intervals of what we keep track of at this juncture
as we fall towards our eventual demise ...

does it have to be?
is there no going back
no returning to how it was then,
must we stay on this track of sliding south
senses numbing as our eyes become dim ...

glancing around, quick! let us not fall too fast
are memories and dreams all we have left,
as daylight shortens into the midst of evening's expiration
groping from someplace severe
and darker than dirt,
colder than those ice cubes we used to delight in
that space there, six feet by six …

(11.29.07.ajs)

Let me

carousel tingles learn how to scramble
and not lose their grasp on the down slide,
when the earth begins to tremble
or thoughts change when distance remembers,
we'll hang around the hour hand
and pull back the time if we're able
it's all about redemption ...

looking underneath or inside, we get lost
I like it here where the music is soft and everything is quiet
we'll whisper and swoon like we used to
back when the heat was scorching
desire raced inside every sound,
feel this again, let me ...

(11.28.07. ajs)

These Moments

and what of these moments
who find themselves farther and farther between
euphoric clusters of rhapsody
enchantment profound,
lingering deep, this close study I seek
when did the ribbon slip and fly away
like a helium balloon all out of smiles
laying there silently grieving,
but no one sees or cares to notice
is that where those moments are found
empty, but for the memories of what may never be
a glimpse
a peek, maybe a side-show,
is that all we had ...

I am engrossed with abstraction
madness at best,
a derangement momentarily or was that a calming solution,
disturbing despondency creeps from behind
and with conviction, scares me
this vehemence screams
' you were nothing more than a dirty, little secret! '
and secrets, no one wants to explore
at least not aside from the darkened fire that glows
and simmers, seductively
where no one can see and only two can hear
when they both pay attention, but someone's not listening ...

(by: ajs.11/25/2007)

Forever and More

won't you let me stay a while and gaze at all this loveliness I see?
before me in all it's raw wonder
careful not to make a sound
I won't harm the surroundings,
you can just sleep,
and lay there dreaming of maybe me
and you, as we step into the great unknown
full of potential, if we'll just believe
and receive ...

what if this time was the time we've always dreamed of?
carefree indulgence and whimsical forays
tender tap dancing
curiously,
open the window and unlock the doors
throw back the blinds and let me in ...

treasures await in the unexpected realm
scintillating pleasures extraordinaire,
why be bound by seasons and past pages
of unfulfilled promises and tears?
we'll take our time, we've got no where to run
why not enjoy this moment
this day,
this beginning of forever and more ...

(11.21.07. ajs)

Double-Time

I can still feel you
the wonder of your touch
the seduction of your caress
between every distant sigh and whispered tune,
hear your voice each time my thoughts turn
and I won't lie,
I miss you more than I should ...

after the anger and sudden shock
when the rage fell away
into something like blind stumbling crying jags
even when those slants of discord wrapped themselves around
and ran to my aid,
all I could do was sit here and remember,
you ...

a thousand kisses I send your way
sealed with a prayer on wings lifted high,
may your days be filled with something sweet
exactly what you need,
and everything you deserve
overflowing and running over, double-time ...

(11.14.07)

Perhaps

maybe you stole the song from me
perhaps,
a momentary stifling of the notes I came to know
and hold so dear
yet,
it matters not in the greater scheme of things ...

true love is eternal
and continues to beat with every turning of the page
no twists and turns
with every whisper in the evening air, hints of ...

I will remember the golden days and nights of joy
torrid bouts of me and you
they fill the spaces in my head when I find myself
missing ...

(11.11.07)

The Gift

He gazed at her and smiled
From deep within his soul,
A treasure presented …

She turned and gave him her heart
And walked into
All their memories of tomorrow …

(11.8.07)

Tender Love

Your tenderness reveals
Flashes of your soul in surprising ways
Caring compassion touches me right to my core
And I find myself falling in love all over again
With you …

How could I not want you for all time?
Your sweetness seductively taunts me
Teasing me, such torture
I need more …

Let us soar away where no one can find us
You and me, we have so much time to make up for
We will fly to heights of the heavens above
And live in our love for all eternity ...


(10.29.07... thinking of you, my darling...)

My All

it was a risk I gather, to follow my heart
as I can't find my way back to before
nor would I want to,
not really, for I've known such happiness here
in the light of your love
experienced pure joy
ecstasy even,
scattered with storms, unexpectedly
when those dark clouds loomed large on that horizon
but that's life,
together we'll manage, somehow
I'm here for the long term, I've decided
regardless,
it's you and no other ...

many have tried, both in your life and mine
yet, here we are
still standing, our eyes on tomorrow
great expectations await,
let us gather our courage
strengthen our resolve,
and toss out those nagging suspicions
spiked with doubt,
sprinkled with fear ...

take my hand with your heart
I'm yours for the asking
you're all I can see and believe in,
scary, it's true
I'm petrified,
but so willing to be here with you
in the smiles of our love,
the truth of our being
tell me, you feel this way, too ...

there's no other that sends my heart racing
the thought of you has captured my soul,
your kiss, inexplicable
your touch, amazing
your love,
my true treasure
my all ...

(by:ajs.9.23.07)

Destiny's Plea

and what if I needed you, my love
to be strong if I wavered inside
unsure of these steps, shaky at best
would you wrap your strong arms around me,
assuring us all would be well
that together, we'd make it, somehow
telling me you understood my heartache
my issues with trust,
my history with you ...

are you ready to face this reality
blow past misunderstandings, misspoken words
can we rise above the furor besides
that threatens with menacing eyes,
can we try once again
to soar higher,
confident of one thing and that's us,
regardless ...

we now hold this flicker of flame, so tender
seeking to know the wonder,
struggling to face life's uncertainties
tainted, without a doubt
yet willing to explore
bust open that door,
we've both run to and previously paused ...

watching our wishes glide on a feather
almost beyond our reach
but not completely,
take my hand
hold my heart,
be the man I know and desire
I'll be the woman your dreams speak of,
and together we'll flow
where we need to be
we'll take our time,
grateful for destiny’s plea ...

(9.18.07 by: ajs)

I Stand

having stood right here with precision's dare
I reached in and sliced
slivers of a trusting heart and kept each one
locked away for me,
to gaze upon each time I felt the need ...

to reassure myself I was in control
what a fool for believing
in ever after's dream,
yet I bought the song and danced a while
knowing all the time
I had those pieces tucked away,
behind the smile
behind the greed of never ending scenes
running through my head
for time and time not to ever be again,
I tried
and now, I wander in those fields of wanton lust
oblivious towards those tender souls
as they stray by
this realm I'm in
transfixed and petrified ...

you were the one who helped me through days and weeks and months
of rambling vowels and odd sequence,
I run into this wall of thought
can't press my way or won't
though I see your hand, feel your heart
on the other side
patiently,
you are where I need to be
yet, here I am
stuck ...

by: alisajs
7.6.07

The Corner

I stare at this screen for hours sometimes
Wondering to myself
Asking my lonesome

‘Could I ever get the nerve to get on that plane?’
‘Do I still have what it takes to put your mind at ease
or maybe not at ease
but affect you in some other way….

And I run back to what I know
Numbers don’t lie
Ink doesn’t tear off one’s clothes as they run out of space
On the page in my mind
And I’m back to where I began

Staring at this screen for hours on end
Gone to some place to hide
Screaming inside as it’s all I can do
To maintain some degree of sanity’s breath
Whatever that means

Or will I continue to write about anything but
The truth of my heart and wretched soul
How I’ve longed for so long
Yet not moved a step
Towards that which I’m certain
Ok, maybe not certain
But hopefully
Waits around that corner….

by: ajs
6.21.07

True Love

how could I stand here and offer you happiness
when true contentment comes from within,
if you're looking for others to fill you
complete you,
make everything right
then you've come to the wrong place,
as no way can I do that ...

what I can give is my heart's smile
flaming by yours,
and together we'll dance and enjoy
the pleasures that blossom
the tears we share,
storms we both face hand in hand,
racing through madness
fall on our faces,
roll past it and get up again
stare down our demons
celebrate our victories,
regardless of short term misunderstandings ...

if you're willing, I'm able
and we might have a chance,
to realize our dream of forever ...

Smattered

I search for those lucid memories
smear them one more time across these desperate eyes
for just another glimpse of that certain paradise,
at what I used to know somewhere deep inside
a long, long time ago,
back when the sun would truly radiate
all through my soul, unlike today ...

those hazy shades of gray and black
call to me, relentlessly
and I wonder
can I ever get it back
the truth of me
and not this mask I hide behind
this shell, so incomplete
fragments scattered
torn and dropped
unblinking,
left there in those silent storms
I ran, not knowing the why or how
in my quest, that incessant quest
for perfection's grade ...

I realize now
the mirror's not equipped
the image sneers and mocks
at what I've now become,
laughing stock of normal
normal never fit,
and strange is all I ever knew
smattered is my new abode ...

Aching

It's lonely here without your presence
I miss the feel of 'us'
Our private conversations,
Torrid sessions
No one the wiser,
Except now, maybe me

The dream lives still ...

There are days I almost believe
You never left,
If I have all I need, then why do I still want?
Incredible as it may seem
I can't forget,
The seduction of your touch

[6.7.07 by: ajs]

Musings

Will there be enough daylight left
On the floor of this decision,
Or is this the best we can hope for
Sifting through mired footsteps that still haunt,
On a cloudless midnight
As I search the heavens for a hint
For a clue,
For some semblance of reason to receive …

I’m afraid to remember, I think
Having misplaced my direction
In the soles of my shoes,
As I continue to deliberate my fate
Have I completely lost my nerve?
I wonder …

Could these arms ever hold you?
Will these lips ever taste
The rapture restrained in my rousing,
Released now in slumber
And silenced when awake,
Am I down for the count
Or only now, beginning
To believe …

By: alisa js
5.26.07

Potsherd or Papyrus

Have we no room for circumstance?
Gasping at white layered patterns in plain view,
Having heard somewhere this meant troubled potential
We turn our eyes inward
Maybe no one noticed,
As nothing was said,
It was all in that look
We kept walking …

I’m not sure if that was an apparition
Or a memory I didn’t remember until now,
Potsherd or papyrus
Bottle cap of fancy notepads,
Something or someone was there
And now, it’s quiet here …

Am I to believe in dreams again?
Is it possible for me to find the string that wanders within my midst
With both hands,
And these scattered thoughts
Run right into morning convinced …

By: alisa js
5.26.07

These Storms of Life

These eyes have strained to gaze upon desired horizons
Keeping the fragments alive here
Inside this ideal I have treasured
And managed to keep seeking somewhat
This vague rendering
Of happiness I remembered as a child and held dear,
Tendered by understanding
Sealed and kept near the harbor lights,
Carefully preserved all these years, tho’ battered
And bruised, unable to bloom in darkness and doubt
Those tender buds of promise, the hope
Reaching still, these fragile stems
We mustn’t forget the greater objective
Attainable,
If we believe and faint not …

Can this heart of mine rise above the madness
And cruel attacks from those lacking understanding
Compassionless,
Tho’ waves have hit hard with deliberate slashes wide
How can I blame and condemn,
Arrogance
Judgment
Condescending glares
All bitter fruits of ignorance,
They stand on the barriers and watch
And I will strive to muster the courage one more time
In the face of adversity
Certain of destiny’s beckoning invitation,
If I believe and faint not …

My Petition

if you listen, you will find me
between each layer of the songs we sang,
beside you in that flutter,
seconds before surrendering
right there, with every heartbeat's skip
the voice you hear
in the quiet of our winter's bloom
a whisper sweet
among these tears now trailing soft,
and if you look real close
you'll see
reflections of a soul like yours ...

I would never leave
for you're an invitation to a silent prayer
taking flight on wings, they lift
how the angels do resist
at certain times, uncertain
to withstand my final wish ...

(4.19.07
ajs)

Dream Dance

in a faraway madness
of some distant memory
suspended in time
we peer within

listen
is that music?
or just howling wind masquerading
smeared by some romantic notion
from some starry eyed soul
it will all work out somehow
in the end

but is that how you learned it?
or is this all in my head,
look how these angels all dance
on the head of this pen
the one in my hand
as I sit here and write
over and over,
these same words spill forth
onto this parchment
deep in my soul ...

I know he's out there
somewhere
waiting for no one but me
he loves me
I know it!
he tells me
each night
when he stops by ...

and together we dance around all those night seasons
to the music we hear in our heads,
language of shared hearts
he's mine
for always

you will find me
under the branches
basking in sunlight
waiting
its true ...

(by ajs; 1-2-07)

If

maybe it was in the way you glanced across
somewhat seductively
curious, perhaps
I knew from that look
you'd be a great lover
and I wasn't mistaken,
oh! how I do remember ...

the first night
racing fast with anticipation
around every word,
I watched from the inside
smiling...

your touch didn't falter
your kiss,
incredible!
lingering soft and aching across my hips
patiently waiting,
for that next step
we both knew
there'd be no retreat now,
flames high, spirits vying
come closer
come nearer,
I do remember
oh! how I remember ...

My Desire

there is always something
right there on the edge
crinkling with a smile
each time we get together
of something more,
always with you
and no other ...

I listen to you speak
and notice this something
your fire
desire
flaming towards me,
why?

yet, we are friends
no way to deny
did I make a mistake in not moving towards that next step?
my heart tells me
what I don't want to know ...

it's you
always been
you know it,
no matter how far I fly
it's you I keep coming back to...


( by: alisajs/03.07.2007)

In a Heartbeat

Won't you come and sit for a while?
Let me dust off these clouds and we'll sit here a spell
We can share a coffee and talk,
Go over our dreams and ambitions
One more time,
I need to know they are still the same
The same for you as for me
Since the last we spoke of
On that day in December,
The day you stunned and surprised me
By giving me everything,
Any girl could ever wish for
By telling me you'd wait
For as long as it took,
To get to the place of
'us' ...

You told me there was nobody else
And how could there ever be another,
My sentiments exactly ...

How you felt in your heart you were married to me
Our soul flame burning as one
Exactly the words I needed to hear,
You've become everything to me
My dream come true
All I want in a man
All I ever hoped for
In a lifetime companion,
Will I marry you?
In a heartbeat, I would
I live for that day ...


(by: alisajs/01.08.07)

Adoringly

won't you take my hand?
and walk a while with me
for a season or two, maybe three...

I can't promise you happiness
or make all your dreams come true
we know there are no guarantees
and that sucks, I know ...

one thing I can do
and this is a promise,
I can give of myself
pouring all over you
from this heart overflowing,
with love
adoring
and so curious ...

by: alisjs

Indeed

sometimes I get so very crazy for you
I know I don't have a right to,
my mind goes in so many directions
other parts, too ...

and I find myself
wondering,
pondering
all those 'what ifs' ...

you know I would do almost anything
yet,
I do nothing
but sit here and dream,
about one day
maybe,
who knows?
it could even come true ...

is it really safer this way?
to love you from a distance
or am I the real coward
unwilling,
if the truth be told
scared senseless ...

I go weak in the knees
every time I think,
of what we both know
could very well be ...

Let Me

I want to look at you
looking at me
and get lost in those skies
above the clouds
all around you and your eyes of blue

let me touch those golden locks
and bask in light of heaven's glow
everytime I get near
just like this
you and me
until time whispers, 'shhhhh'...

let me stay
right beside your heart so true
knowing there is a forever
as long as I have you
there could never be another
other than this man I see
this man I want so desperately
this man I crave, both night and day

I am faithful to this song
our song,
the one the angels sing
everytime we speak
everytime we touch
this melody of love
this symphony
our duet
known to only you and me
everytime our hearts do beat...

by: alisajs





missing you, my love...