With you, I could feel amorous
Enamored and more if not careful,
Yet careful is not where I want to be
Not with you,
Impassioned is how you come to me
Ardent and delicious
How we would drive delirious,
Rousing romantic hysteria …
Zealous for fire, wild about flames
You and I, we would never contain
The passion and fire
Never,
Ever …
(8.14.08/ajs)
13 comments:
I am closing my eyes in order to feel your words as they race across my mind. This poem has a power and energy that almost jumps off the page. Passion? No Alisa, this is much more than Passion. And forever would not come close to sedate the feelings you have put to words. Poetic, talent of this sort is very rare. And yet what should I expect from such a rare and dear friend? Yours Allen
I am glad that you can feel the energy, my friend... and knew that you could
alisa ;-)
Posted by Charlie Morgan on 08/15/08 at 12:27 PM
...oh, alisaJs, you speak of the unspeakable, such a tall concept yet drawn so well on the sketch pad of me heart, if i could 'find' the things you see,...i have to work hard because you have such openness to love, and it's a tricky concept...love!, it hurts, it feels good[not sex, but love]makes us complete to know we are loved and your open pomes allow us to see that, you words of love are so soft, so strong in feeling, you see hope and i devour that, sometimes i feel my glass is half-empty, your glass seems half-ful...
Thank you, Charlie. I do appreciate you and your time... alisa ;-)
mmmmm...what everything should taste like.... fire and passion - say I - the lusty ram:}
Bravo!
Posted by Soulwalker on Aug 15, 2008 8:06 AM
ndeed..!!!
omg...I pity the poor fellow that you get a hold of Pisces...there will be no rest for the wicked (big grin) all that pent up emotional drive is going to make some lucky but very tired fella be begging for mercy..turn it loose ! lol...(Is this about me?)
Posted by Robin on Aug 15, 2008 1:46 PM
Posted by: Purity.
Definitely something worth reading. The line seperations are used for
good effect. A relatively good vocabularily is used as well. I don't
see very many free-verse love poems. So it's a good change. If I could
offer one thing, is that you could get the poem to flow more. I didn't
get lost, but it could be a bit confusing for the masses to
understand. Over all a good poem though. Great job, keep up the work.
Posted by: cirque25
This was lovely and had some nice vocabulary usage. The bond of love
is a mysterious and amazing thing...
- - r - -
Posted by: Finwe
I always love your poems, there so full of life and passion!
Posted by: vyampol
Hey Alisa,
Well this is good, but in my opinion, it needs a little more to be
fully finished.
Two lines in particular bug me.
Ardent and delicious - why delicious? in my mind,
"delicious" is more food-like, but I could be wrong here.
How we would drive delirious, - this line - drive where? Were you
driving in the first place? It's a little confusing. I also think it
needs a little more meat here and this is what would make the poem
more complete.
I enjoyed it always of course, but I don't think it is as good as your
other ones.
Hello V,
Thanks for your comments and questions.
I will address them here.
' Delicious', because there are so many aspects to love that are
tasty, as in orally pleasing... and you can fill in the blanks here.
'Drive delirious', because again there are so many ways that
together.... both can drive each other crazy in the most delirious
way....
Think about it...
Feel the passion within.
thanks,
alisa
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