Do I Dare?

I find myself missing you
though I tell myself
I have no right
to think of you as mine,
and yet, I can't deny this truth
I am most intrigued by this growing need
for you and only you,
thoughts of ...
oh! how they tease
curiously
inconspicuously,
when I least expect
there they are,
all around
confounding
tantalizing...

the essence of your presence
draws me near
caressingly,
to the dawn of something
so brand new,
do I dare reveal
this tender flame that calls your name
listen,
do you hear?

(12.30.08.ajs)

Rhapsodic

You bring to me a measure of
Contained excitement
Hinting of a promise sublime
Serendipitous enticement of the magnificence
A dream within a scene of shared realities and yet,
Across this great divide we sing
An enlightening truth where we break free
To live and be around this melody
A rhapsody
Inside my mind,
Shared by two and not confined
By space and time
What ecstasy divine…

(12.27.08.ajs)

One Last Kiss

could this be the last time
we gather here, like this?
with smiles plastered wide
all beside themselves
stacked neatly and placed on the back rows,
just in case.
these serendipitous swings
do they mean anything
or am I too busy looking for clues
any hint or suggestion
I am still alive
and all this makes for some rather intense
reckoning of souls
on this happenstance day
layered light as we dip and sway,
music soft
while the chatter is sweet
quick, let us remember
this,
one last kiss...

(12.23.08.ajs)

My Dream

I looked and you were there
in answer to my thoughts, almost
an answer to a prayer I once
believed in,
and yet, never knew as mine.
remaining on these pages
written,
journals full ...

oh! how the vision came alive today!
standing right in front of me
exactly as I'd seen,
so many times
in my mind

I stood mesmerized, petrified
filled with joy
unspeakable,
until you walked away
into another time
back inside my mind

my dream came true
if only, for a glimpse of you ...

(ajs.12/10/2008)

You

it always comes back to you
every time
no matter how far I wander
no matter how many I ram rod
roll over
obliterate

you are the one that could have been
forever,
I am the fool for waiting and delaying
constantly,
how could I blame you for my insecurities
I am the one who lagged behind,
stuck in my doubts
raging aloud,
I have only myself to
condemn

and I do ...

(11/20/2008.ajs)

Fairy Tales

could we have lassoed those raindrops with palms raised up high
as we blazed through with potions
full of reckless abandon
oblivious,
even to ourselves.
so certain we'd found that decadent delight
a cruel game, if that
and only for the well besotted

don't venture near if your heart's not yielded
toward lies and deceit from the other side,
yet it was not the other side that did us in
but rather a lingering memory,
climbing up that old woody nightshade
when no one was looking
when somebody cared,
back to a time when I used to believe
in certain fairy tales
so beholden was I to that dream ...

(11.13.08.ajs)

Broken Dreams

let me
love you,
the way you need
the way I want to,
curiously
expectantly, with tender sighs...

these wounded hearts
how they rationalize,
pain.
betrayal cries, remembering
where careful becomes a measuring stall
and wait we do, on the other side,
languishing ...

as the days do slide
as time does tease
while we fill our ways with other's dreams

oh, take my hand
our moment awaits
so very patiently,
if we, but let it bloom

we'll step into our destiny
this thrill of me and you,
feel me now
I'm here,
and there you are, so far away
this needn't be
our legacy,
of sad songs wrung from broken dreams ...

(11.04.08.ajs)

Alone

the sound of your voice incites a spark
reminding me of what I thought
was certainly,
long forgotten.
with you, I want to bend back the boundaries
tug on those hours and days,
and give us eons
decades even,
I'd settle for a weekend or two
and yet, you remain,
this mystery ...

are we not out of time
or has time simply run out,
banished now to the land of the forgone
conclusion.
memory drips around
faltering hope,
the dimming of embers
against this upcoming winter,
as we struggle against
being alone
on this
forsaken road,
this sad refrain...

(10/23/2008.ajs)

Self Love

what kind of love stands passively aside
watching, yet not seeing
careful for only one,
not two ...

does love live in the mountains and all things above
oblivious,
is this really love that doesn't get involved
with anything other than self?
I think this is self love

love is a term we use and abuse so badly
loving the day
loving the mood,
loving the man or woman who
for the moment or season,
connects
with that part of our psyche that needs
to be ...

(ajs.10.21.08)

Willing

I am still willing if you are able
to be.
this is altogether obvious
yet,
why tread so lightly around these emotional epiphanies
I haven't a clue
which brings me back to years long past
and I may have to admit
and analyze
why I continue this springtime addiction,
the world was so much younger then
our innocence gleaned from those romantic dreams
of endless possibilities
uncharted realms
that together we would conquer,
oh! love was the answer
alone.
if we only had love, nothing was impossible
our fresh and guileless minds knew of nothing asunder
we walked, hand in heart toward our promising horizon
waiting.
gleaming,
calling to us
with melodies sweet from the soul
such tender harmonies
angels cried.
I was once willing, wasn't I?

(ajs.10.16.08)

Cross Stitch

in the center of this heart lives a girl who still needs
still craves the comfort of another's arms
to hear the voice near and dear
assuring her
all is well,
together we can overcome...

she runs to find the reason
seeking out the horizon of sweet dreams
of everything real,
tell me, do you hear?
let me know it matters
carry me back to the wonderland
of possibilities anew

how far have we fallen
from that state of grace,
so many cynics
so much doom

can we get past the pretending
of denying the lie,
and live in the moment
each and every second,
living and loving together as one
not falling apart at the seams….

(ajs.10.10.08)

Dream State

and then the pin dropped
swayed and rolled out of sight
to where, one can only guess
if one was so inclined
or even cared to bother,
penetrating beneath the veneer
of your suffocating smile
on those days you chose to try
even a little bit.
those days came around less and lesser?
there were times in our lives when the sun bowed down
and breathed a kiss of such incredible loveliness
I was certain we were deep inside a dream,
love was our world
and we had everything.
or so I believed
I so desperately believed
I wanted to believe,
before I
opened
these sleepy eyes...

(10.8.08.ajs)

blizzard

it was in the aftermath
unnoticed.
careful words with careful tips and
anything else of no consequence,
a life lived in compromise
for all the right reasons
does it matter as much as the one lived for self?
does wisdom factor a twit
or is the savagely selfish the first to benefit
to hell with the rest,
good intentions don't count
only fools live by those outdated ideals
ask me,
I know.
and I'm beginning to think there's really no difference
selfish is what's needed to get ahead
and that's what life is all about, anyway, obviously
right?
me first
you wait.
I pondered these musings on my drive back to wherever
ran through the arguments for and against,
with me, it was never about money
it was always for love,
call me a fool
because I think that way,
and will choose to do so
till my dying day ...

(10.6.08.ajs)

Just Us

I would love to slide right next
to you,
skin on skin
and experience,
the completeness of your touch
soothed now by your voice
alone.
I need more,
don't you?

spend our smiles
take our time
curiously,
with each new discovery
shared by two,
just us ...

how much longer
must we linger
here,
on the edge of this fascination
waiting by our anticipation,
rising beyond the brink
of sensibilities,
gratuitous pleasantries
I need you here,
so much ...

Wishing Spells

were I a wish, could I be yours?
to share our great escape,
the one we've always turned to
when all is quiet
and the day is done,
before we close our eyes
and our thoughts return to one ...

remember?
can we still,
or has the agony overwhelmed
our seething hearts,
as if to spoil the compliment
without a cure or treatment, yet
no promise of another

let the anger spill and leave
your realm, my dear
my only one.
with you, I would even try again
for you, almost anything ...

wishing spells here, near my heart
take these wings and fly
across the land, beyond the sea
oh! wishing spells, I will believe
for one more dance
with real romance,
tell me, don't you need?

A Waking Dream

the more time I spend with you
the more I want to
dangerously close, I know
a tender soul, you came to me
so patiently.
your heart, a gift
presented

silver key of hope
is what I see,
dare I accept
and walk into,
a waking dream
this intrigue …

(ajs.9.12.08)

Breathe

every time I turn my heart
hoping and craving like a lovesick fool
savoring every nostalgic tribute of some bygone era
tracing a memory or preposterous dream,
what I really need to do is
wake up,
stand straight
push back the clouds of deception
pull on these cords of redemption
and breathe,
won’t you
with me …

(9.5.08.ajs)

aflame again

and if it were you
you and you alone
all along,
the one I knew would be the answer
our solution,
to everything we both needed and desired
from this point forward,
would you
venture near?
again
this time,
knowing it was me?

(ajs.8.28.08)

My Choice

I see your face in every face
out there in the sea of flesh and vague imaginings,
I hear your voice in my head telling me
reminding me
of all and nothing,
simple clues, so true
and this love I have spans time,
knows no boundaries and yet
I am here
without you.
why?
I must be scatterbrained ...

I watch and observe
and see them,
hand in hand, arm in arm
everywhere
and yet
I am alone,
the chatter comes and finds me
laying flowers at my feet,
I turn and walk the other way
past those kisses transmitting,
nothing compares to me and you
never could.
and that's what keeps me far from trying
memories
feelings
my desire for only you still stands
tall
how could I?

(ajs.8.23.08)

Intermission

For a brief interlude we managed
To canopy the sunshine, pull on the splendor
Laughing all the while,
Slide across the undertaking
Peering beside your smile
Time stopped and it mattered not…

The siren of recycled impossibilities reached inside
And poured out from a vial,
Tenderly, yet spitefully
Spectacular flowing red,
Caught up in the glow
You stumbled and I wondered why.
The red had me transfixed
I could not turn away,
Beating profusely from the center
My spine jumped
Remembering,
What were those drops of red?
Little sparks, brand new parts
Blending around this rising mound

We pushed again toward the spotlight
Pressed through silent tears and creeping fears
Ascending our perimeter,
Threatening to capsize
Waiting to overthrow everything,
And reveal a great conceal
Under the contents of this smudge …

(ajs.8.21.08)

Untitled

Having wrestled with the sins of summer
I should have known the signs
Listened to that other mind
The one we turn away on days like that,
The snowman rolled and spoke
Sweet sounds fell from his lips of twist
I should have walked away,
Enchanted, I chose to stay and hear one more delicious remedy
Feel one more sensational rhapsody,
Before the dreaded epiphany
I knew and still I craved,
As I laid those song sheets down
Heard before this day would turn
As the ground swell fell away,
Dropped along the beaten path
The well-worn rasp
Of listen, fool
Be wise,
Wake up, it’s dinner-time,
And with those sheets still out to dry
When did you try blind?
This is no time for such crazy thoughts
Cleverly, or otherwise …

(8.18.08.ajs)

River Burns

Are you the response to this river that leads
Out,
Away from the trash in the trees
You know the ones we can’t see for the logs,
Around the fireplace
Steps to the kitchen
Locks on the door
Lead me to where you want us to be …

Take my hand and give me your kiss
Hold me closer than you ever dreamed.
A bright light of promise I perceive
Excitement shelved right behind my eyelids
Waiting here,
Do you feel this like I do?

You lay across my mind
Each time with a memory of another day or evening’s dimly disguised blushing,
Sharing the shadows
Wrapped around the thought of maybe again, with you
Walking with the knowledge of how I want to
Craving the courage ...

(8.16.08.ajs)

Always

With you, I could feel amorous
Enamored and more if not careful,
Yet careful is not where I want to be
Not with you,
Impassioned is how you come to me
Ardent and delicious
How we would drive delirious,
Rousing romantic hysteria …
Zealous for fire, wild about flames
You and I, we would never contain
The passion and fire
Never,
Ever …

(8.14.08/ajs)

Mysteries

with you, I believe I could begin again
realize within this spark that flames
for one,
is it you
this man of whom I am so curious
intrigued, no less

I feel your hugs
your life and loves,
they pour over me each time we discuss
I sense your pain and tenderness
and want to reach

dare I, this time
press beyond my comfort zone
engage with your world,
enter your realm
and know you ...

(8.12.08.aj)

Wants, Not Needs

what I want to say is something completely dissimilar
more than you're willing to hear
your willing to receive
what I'm ready to give,
and yet, this place we find ourselves
is no different than some bazillion times before
this day,
this moment
this space ...

it's so astounding to finally meet another
who gets me,
this rare synergy
full of anything conceivable
walking in wonder was my reality
every time we met
every time we connected
and yet, it was me who hesitated
too long,
pulled back
stepped down
and slithered away like the fool I can be
ran to the corner where I thought I was safe
believed I could wait
and wait, I did
to my own chagrin

as I stand here, alone
my choice
my choosing
writing these words, great swelling words
full of melodramatics,
safe in the arms of my shadow
unscathed,
away from all remnants of misdirected blame,
at least that's what I tell myself
that's what I try to believe …

(8.11.08/ajs)

Chances

why, tell me why
where did you go
the you and the other who promised?
when I'm not looking, the chatter increases
to levels of laughter, insane almost, if left near a bus stop
and yet, quite contrived whenever I appear
is that my paranoia again,
or something more sinister, creeping within?
I'm betting on neither as neither is real
perception is what you believe
and I'm thinking I'll pass on this round,
maybe the next few if this trend continues ...

the swelling of the hope willed promises
anytime we stopped to share, to sizzle a little
our days, our thoughts, our aspirations
I began to feel again
began to need a friend
and believe,
we breathed in the silliness
with satisfied sips,
grandiose hiccups
had us skipping on simmer right through that hard, wooden door

is this an echo, or something more
than some tantalizing mind sweep,
across the canvas of dreamy eye lids
close them and see
splashed in hues of begin again
these tender scenes
make them stay,
keep them real...


(8.5.08.ajs)

Tranquility Lies

have you found yourself
as I have,
slipping and swaying
at the turn of,
the dime in your head
cakes on the spindle
while the syrup pours smooth,
we'll walk in the sea of ever lending returns
as I pull you much closer
and wait
for the silken dream
that breathes your name

your words, they smile
but are empty inside ...

we must stop all this fuss
this misaligned suck-up,
cheery frills and sloppy excuses
for anything that squeaks like a friendship,
they don't know you like I do
they'd die for a closer view
and yet, I stay
quiet I remain,
in frantic repose
as I wait for the obvious to show
and you?

( 07/24/2008)

Musings

I have run with you in my mind
center field,
at the fifty yard line
we're back again
exhausted,
satisfied.
with you, I could ...

we both felt it and know
yet dance around the obvious,
sashay behind the oblivious
share all the passion lovers do
yet, still we sit and wonder

as the leaves turn from green to yearn
without the after burn,
and the candle's wax has left the room
for a second chance in some other realm
explore those parameters
push against boundaries
jump in, this view
won't you?

(ajs.7.11.08)

Swoon

your words captured my heart
took possession of this faltering beat
apprehended my interest, you do
and I am inquisitive again,
cautiously eager
I know it's unorthodox,
yet I simply can't wait
for the next day
and the next time
of you ...

Innocence ?

Is it the innocence of youth
or the illusion of truth,
As seen by those eyes
those tender views,
Yet to blossom
Yet to need ...

Standing up against crushing deluge of pain
Not quite believing,
Never believing

You are the one I have loved
For you are everything
I have come to need,
Every song not sung
Every word not breathed aloud
and yet, I refrain...

.. and if

and if the world was square I would have already been at your doorstep
crazy as that may sound
perception is the key,
to understanding circumstance as truth comes from within …

we dance around the mistletoe and run when lightning strikes
once in a lifetime or was that only once
if we bare our souls and relent not,
previous damaged goods, we fall between the cracks
and leave that stain of someone's past
though they haven't walked by our side
we pull them forward, ghosts and all
it's a circus now and far too crowded
is all I feel and don't want to know
the how or why ...

I will tumble down when this flesh falls free
and soar to heights unknown or only vaguely seen
in a mystery of dreams,
that may never come to be ...

if I could have had you
might we have feasted at that banquet by now?
and yet, I stand on the other side as always, looking in
this glass is sharp and razor dull
my heart stopped years ago,
tho' true love never dies …


(ajs.11/06/2007)

Sweet Dreams

and I watch as you lay there
careful not to alarm,
your night scenes and visions
on this cool winter's eve ...

I pull back the blanket
and tenderly brush back your hair,
so beautiful you are, sleeping peacefully
I wonder if your dreams include me,
as I lay down beside you
to observe ...

you won't know I've been here
I am careful not to disturb
shhh!
not a sound I make ...

I stopped by for a bit
just to say hello,
just to let you know I still care
a kiss on your eyelids before I leave,
before you're aware that I've been here ...

thank you for just being you
you bring comfort to this weary soul
your wisdom and humor have provided sweet release
from gusty clouds of late
and rain storms full of plunder,
you are my joy
my night shade,
you welcome me here...

(ajs.10.22.07)

Impossible

the pleasure of you prevails
your touch inflames
everything,
you are all I need
how could there be another?
impossible ...

(5.30.08.ajs)

Definitions

don't you dare speak to me with those words
those words that say
we're quite familiar
in that intimate sway lovers share,
you don't know me
like that.
it's only blatant desire
unscathed
untested
relentless.

and yet, you pursue me with words
wrapped around the heat of a throbbing intention,
words won't hold me
when the nights stretch
and sleep runs with the last lie behind her skirt
as she swaggers in
with that condescending eye
reminding you one too many times
how you're not quite the man you could have been
and it's all your fault
is this what you call love?
never!

I don't think you've met love
as that, to me is nothing more
than the grinding of testicles
by fema-nazi shoes,
blood red stiletto heels
splatter across the wall any vestige left
of some dangling hope,
talk to me and tell me truth
make me see,
but never dribble those useless words,
show me now and make me feel
the need of you ...

( by: ajs.05/15/2008)

For Me

and with a word you bring me back again
hearts overflowing onto the essence of our love,
we're perfect here and will always be
the epitome of,
everyone I've always needed
everything I've seen
across the span of time and ages
you will always be
the only one I could ever adore,
the only one
for me,
forevermore ...

(5.10.08.ajs)

Simple Times

the doorway chimed and the oceans shined each time your face appeared
inside my mind, behind the words never spoken
aloud,
it's quiet here and has always been, I guess
within this place, I've found
but I digress,
and must press on with this knowing now
gathered in spite of that emancipated smile,
harvested in lieu of
that something deep, always out of reach
by candle light on that forbidden night
when nothing was impossible
and we had everything to gain,
inside our sweet refrain
we played with eyes not blind,
simple times ...

( by; ajs 05/07/2008)

Yen

your voice against my lips
I feel my need
tease this hope,
this delicacy of sweet suggestions
tenderly,
dare I believe
again...

or heed that other voice
that never leaves
relentless,
silly girl, please ...

(4.18.08 ajs)

Unanswered

I wanted to know you
by my side
to greet each new dawn and bring in the night sighs,
oh! how glorious
I can only imagine
as I lay here
quiet,
beside myself
pondering the reasons
looking over the questions
I never bothered to answer ...

years slide around
faster and faster
we travel towards our final destination,
I have noticed
I am riding alone
watching,
as always
why ...

Remember?

won't you follow me backwards in time
to the day we first found our hello's
pristine, there in the halo
untarnished, reflecting the sun
and all it's splendor
radiant

remember with me the quiver
heart stopping shimmer, I do
spasms of smiles from the inside out
a flurry of fervor about
the time of the utterance
the time of that first breath
floating on billows of chance
and we flew

oh! where did that vibrancy go?
as I stand here watching my shadow
listening to rumors,
craving your comfort
wary of whispers that scream ...



( by: ajs.02/07/2008)

Dimensions

There was a space between here and there
I tried my best to fit inside
Nothing happened, it never does
I swam around my indecision
Swallowed me in
And wondered how and when
I began to lose myself
With each passing sundown
Melting away my reflection
As I continued this path
Have I forgotten the way
Took a wrong turn, a misstep, a side show
Languishing in broad emotions
Not meant to last
Not meant to be the all in all
Yet, somehow I find myself surrounded by this invisible barrier
Bounded by what appears to be nonsense
Of my own making
Voices and expectations speak out from the abyss
I know it’s a lie
But I find myself hopelessly sinking
And like a puppet follow the string …

(1.25.08)

Mysterious

open my hands and nothing
I listen, to no avail
it's quiet here on the edge of the universe
surreal in fact as I peer beyond the next horizon
footsteps closer than before, ever closer
I am drenched in this mystical rainstorm
my umbrella flew and I stand
transfixed
as the shadow approaches
what to do,
arms on my shoulder as I am lifted
his coat, warm
comforting
we turn toward the portal
the hallway is vast,
is this an angel
or have I forgotten how to dream …
(1.25.08)

Memories

I remember you
With your mega-watt smile that could light up the skies
without even trying
A body that would make even Adonis run and hide
Charisma that exuded from every pore
How could I blame others for being drawn so eagerly
No one could resist your charms and out right sexy ways

Your blue eyes taunted like an angry sea on a winter's day
Your hair, the color of the golden sun,
One look from you is all it took
You were the ultimate
My everything,
At least that's what I thought at first
And struggled to believe ...

How could I have known of your dark side?
I wish I knew somehow what I didn't know then
I would have run
Broke your gaze
But like a fool, I stayed
Seven years too long,
Much to my own chagrin
I must now confess ...

I wonder how we would have ended up
Had I stayed
If things were different
If you were for real
and meant what you said...

Questions without answers
Answers without asking
Thanks for the memories,
I think ....

(1.24.08)

After Thoughts

the lies on the back of her hand told me everything
as I listened to your impotent attempts to explain
flimsy,
flaccid ...

I watched as the words were never given their proper exit
half-witted
they died on your tongue and fell flat,
you can do better than that if you tried
I've seen it before
I was amazed, once
in some other universe
the one filled with trust
now empty,
with the occasional expulsion...

they sound more like after thoughts to me
guess you think I'm not aware
not that it registers
I don't know
why you simply don't bother
don't take the time like you used to
I feel her every time we speak

life chugs on
shake, rattle and roll
snake eyes,
freed from your narcissistic abjection ...
(1.21.08)

Tales of the Footpath

intriguing footpath there by the ocean
laying next to that bleached blaze of sand
I've watched as your fears dropped discretely
then roll to the side, jumping behind some disengaged rock
no one scurries when the palms begin their slumber
tipping their hats as the seagulls glide past
their songs and dinner in tow

tell me, what stories can you spare
of those who travel above and around
skipping lightly or scuffling slow
tell us today as we gather to hear
the tales from your well worn abode

were some excited to see those great waters
churning provocatively like a dark, sultry vixen
teasing the senses with that suggestive glimmer
of turquoise splashing between quick peeks of white

the footpath thought for a moment or two
then, sighed with a great release
come back tomorrow or later today
for now, I just need to think ...

(1.10.08)

Fields

lay me across that field of lights
gently, as I am weak
memories stir and begin to fade
caught away in a serenade trapped by darkness
all desire recedes,
I am left with silence, deafening
nothing,
no in between

learn to be
for the first time in a long time

lose the resistance
of inconvenient turns and twists
how they mar the soul,
follow along this stream
of new consciousness
aware
behold, the key ...

(1.5.08)

Little Red Coat

Thrown out with the rest of the trash
Unceremoniously,
Left on the sidewalk
Smashed inside some old broken down black bag
Up against the drain
For the next pick-up day, whenever …

What would you say if you could speak?
Any last words for us as you lay there?

Don't get the wrong idea by the way I appear
You see a,
Tattered red coat, rumpled and torn
Threadbare along the edges,
With buttons lose and some frayed bits of fleece ...

I remember a time when I was brand new and warm

With eyes of surprise and arms opened wide
My little girl smiled as she held me close
Excitedly,
And slipped her tiny arms into mine,
Our walks to the playground, rides on the bike
We had a blast, her and I
Little girl giggles pressed close inside my shoulder
Little girl secrets only her and I shared
Oh! Those were the days!
When laughter filled these threads now bare
And I did my best to keep her safe
With my buttons, shiny and bold
And my collar, so warm and so very cozy
Snuggling next to those little girl cheeks
I was once fulfilled, loved and adored …

I guess all things come to an end, somehow
Don't ask me to explain as I have no answers
My little girl grew, yet I remained the same
No worse for wear was my mantra...

One day, a voice said
That little red coat is a disaster, dear
Time for another, we'll throw out that old thing
Get you a new one for spring
And the next thing you know, I found myself here
In this bag full of rubbish and long forgotten dreams …

(1.11.08)

Illusions and Things

I think you like to keep me guessing
throw me a line and I dive right in
like always
searching for the bait on the end of the hook
running for the first thing that looks like affection
feels more like rejection
this cat and mouse game
one day I'm soaring above heaven's door
the next, nowhere
it's the same old song
same old dream
you'd think by now, I'd be a bit wiser
having noticed these sign posts before
but I keep hoping, I guess
pressing my way
the truth is too harsh to bear
I simply look the other way
although I've known it all along
and I won't say it here
except to acknowledge
I understand
always have
these delusions in spite of illusions ....

(1.17.08)

Willow Weep

I have stood on the outside looking in
For as long as I can remember
An observer of all I see
Listened intently, painfully aware
Of your deep rooted sadness and unrealized fears

There on your pillow as you lay your head
Surrounded by tears, never heard
By others as they carried on
Oblivious …

How I longed to hold you close
Protect you with the strength of my limbs
Remove the strain from your fragile and sensitive frame
A shade I provided when you ran out
That fateful afternoon
Slamming doors as you stumbled and finally sat
For hours if not longer
We were quiet that day, you and I …

On a dark night somewhere near the fifth of December
A shot rang out, piercing the silence like an old rusty nail
Muffled cries and then nothing
Suddenly everyone was everywhere
Except in your room
I struggled to find you, to get even a glimpse
I reached ever higher
You were silent for what seemed like winter …

Footsteps scurried in and out
Frantic cries for help flew with the wind's scream
Blue lights and red lights filled the front lawn
Men in blue uniforms ran inside
Shadows in black cars drove slowly and carefully away
Somewhere, a lonely dog howled
The moon turned aside
And I,
The willow, weep by that window
You once called your own …

(01/15/2008)